The last post was supposed to be on Think Again.  Morning walks. Possible side effects include…  allowing the mind to wonder, posture and contemplate.  Random thoughts, views, ideas pulled down, like shooting stars falling to earth.

Reading through the notes on Think Again sparks stories of evolution.  It takes one brave single celled organism to venture out of the water.  Then another.  Another.  Then one survives.  And the next one survives.  Then they start walking.  So, on and so forth.  Then… humans. (That’s the shortened version.  Do you really want me to go step-by-step?)

Turns out people do not want to hear facts (Next Time You End up in an Argument, Don’t Use Facts. Do This Instead | Inc.com).  We do not respond well to new information.  We are emotional animals.  We push, pull and fight against our own best interests, because… well, evolution.  That is the entire book in four sentences.

Yet, Adam is evolving from water to land (or from holding on to old ideas to rethinking new ones).  Suggestions to help teach us how and why to rethink. For example: “The students who struggled the most were the straight A students.  The perfectionists.  It turns out that although perfectionists are more likely than their peers to ace school, they don’t perform any better than their colleagues at work.  This tracks with evidence that across a wide range of industries grades are not a strong prediction of job performance.  Achieving excellence in school often requires mastering old ways of thinking.  Building an influential career demands new ways of thinking.” (page 195)

It takes about 2.3 seconds to start breaking that down with “old thinking”.  Part of the problem is many still in charge have the old ways of thinking.  It also makes a good argument that some of those creating our new way of thinking are college dropouts that thought it was a good business philosophy to “move fast and break things” (Mark Zuckerberg ’s now-famous motto).  Well, ya broke democracy.  So… cool?

So, we fall back on teaching our children to pass tests.  Get good scores.  Be the best, or as close to it as possible when it comes to academics.  Make dad and mom proud because what else are you here for?  Then graduate.  Go to college.  And on and on.  The assembly line of popping kids out, conditioning them, and scene.

Rethinking that thought process should be on focus on teaching creative thinking.  Teaching kids empathy. Figuring out who they are and teaching to that.  Not pushing them to memorize and conform.  Get good scores and end up, statistically speaking, being just as good as every other kid in the job market.  Sounds like a lot of work for the parents and teachers, huh?  It is.

We push for good grades and high performance because we are mirroring what we were taught and told (though, I did not listen very well, that is another blog post).  It seems to make sense. That is what makes the parent and the child look good.  No one, non-sarcastically, has a “I have a ‘C’ student at *blank*” on their car.  Sidenote, no pressure for a child to dance like a monkey for a parent like seeing a bumper sticker on a car every morning and every night.  As if the parent gets to take credit, or brag about their kid’s academic performance.  (How about a bumper sticker that says, “my kid isn’t a dick”, or “my kid was kind yesterday” there’s another blog post).

The problem is our not knowing and not bothering to learn (another lesson we are teaching by example).  Not bothering to figure out the “why” or the “why for”. My writing is never meant to be a dissertation on parenting or life.  It is meant to inspire thought. To Google and research what other information is available. (Here is an article, among many about the success of “C” students.  Not only that, but the why.  Why Many ‘C’ Students End Up Most Successful | Inc.com).  Which, bringing this back to the beginning, is one of Adam’s main points.  Rethinking. Understanding.  Knowing why and how you think what you think. 

If you knew me and my situation, you would think this was in some way countering my daughter’s mom’s choices and views.  It is not.

Its thinking about choices made in my best interest.  Influences.  Pressures.  Wasted time trying to fit into something, in some way, I would never fit.  As parents, if we are being honest, or we talk with a therapist long enough, we better understand what is influencing the choices we make daily for our children.  The micro-moments of our childhood, both good and bad, both wrong and right, informing what we say, what we do, and how we react to and with our children (or your boss, brother, sister, friend partner).

My daughter will memorize facts.  She will most likely pass her tests and do well with grades and within the system.  This writing is not against that.  It’s rethinking that.  It is focusing a frustration.  Its rethinking how she and I spend time together. I will teach her through example “who you are should be a question of what you value, not what you believe” (p.64).  Or showing how, “Many communicators try to make themselves look smart.  Great listeners are more interested in making their audience feel smart” (p158).

That may seem weird, and those are just examples, but what will serve her better throughout life?  Learning George Washing chopped down a cherry tree and never lied (not true, but learn it anyway), or her values and the difference between those and a belief? Or how to make someone she is talking to feel good, heard, and special.  That will be done by example.  So, she feels heard and special.

We are planting seeds for their future.  Then we water those seeds with love, like, kindness, empathy, patience, hugs, kisses, and snuggles.  Teach through example. Do not tell.  A child can push back against your words.  A child can fight if you engage the fight.  Or we can rethink how we engage.  We can listen more than talk.  We can decide if paint on the carpet matters more than fear in a child’s eye at an angry adult.

In conclusion, I shall leave with you one question that Adam suggests you ask in any conversation, especially one where there may be conflict, “How do you know?” Example: Person 1 – “There is no such thing as global warming.”  Person 2 – “Well that’s just freaking stupid, Fox crap being shoveled out by right wing nut jobs”. OR, “How do you know?”  See which one gets a better response and engages in a conversation.)

Thank you, Adam Grant, for Think Again. (Adam Grant – Books, Podcast, TED Talks, Newsletter, Articles)

Keep rethinking.

Posted.  Not Perfect.                                                                                            

A Vegan Father navigating a non-vegan world.

I thought to add a copy my of current To-Do List (should that all be capatalized?), in case anyone wanted to check it out. As always, the hope is to inspire or help push forward doing similar for yourself. This has helped. Something to consider is that 20 push-ups and 20 twenty stomach exercises has led to 1,180 total push-ups and 1,180 total stomach exercises so far for 2021. It adds-up. If I keep it up that will be 7,300 each by the end of year.

If you are wondering about the simple things, brushing teeth, making coffee, it’s to build the habits and get me to look at the list. Adding everyday “normal” things to the list besides the things I want to do helps to build the want habits by seeing them as “make coffee” gets “x”; there’s also “meditate” right below it. The goal was to add them in an order of how they are done. It’s been over two months now. So far, so good.

Thanks for reading. Be sure to check out the podcast also: A Better Father

Why read and listen to podcasts?  To better understand life. To learn the “why” behind the reason(s) we act / react the way we do. To learn how we process information. Reading allows space to breathe. To ponder and collate information. 

A recent contemplation:  Why we buy more, consume more, own more, get more, have more stuff.

More was how life was lived.  All-consuming getting, buying, having, needing more.  To consume less, we must understand the reason for consuming (wanting) more.

We are influenced by trends, brands, commercials, friends, advertising, wanting what we do not have, wanting what we think we deserve, keeping up with the Jones, because of:  trends, brands, commercials, friends, advertising, keeping up with the Jones… more.

This is not about the internet and its various platforms targeting us.  A system taking advantage of a weakened mind, or emotional state.  That is a conversation for another day. Today, “its personal” (said like Arnold Schwarzenegger… because reasons).,

Stick with me. It comes together.

My mom liked to get mail.  So much so, she would get upset if you checked it before her.  Why?  No idea.  It stuck, though.  Checking the mail to have it pay off? Something must be sent to arrive.  A quick aside: expecting nothing from anyone the past two days; the front door has been opened at least 8 times looking to see if there was a package waiting (*button*, reward).

For me, it is not the stuff (I do not need any more anything right now). It is the getting of the stuff.  The immediate dopamine hit seeing the package on the doorstep.  Getting to the mailbox to see a package waiting. Potentially a sprinkle of mom thrown in because she liked getting mail. Hence, I like getting mail?

We are animals.  Push button. Get reward.  The feeling of a shiny new thing.  Having stuff around us.  It is status.  A feel-good moment.  A drug, in the literal and figurative sense. 

Buying things gave a purpose.  Something to do.  Going out and finding something new.  Try it. Return it. Send it back.  Or keep it.

James Clear, in Atomic Habits, talked about habit swapping.  That is what this blog is.  Not being on Amazon to buy something. Not looking at email’s tempting sales and offers. Not getting on Kickstarter to back another cool thing (justifying it because it is not buying a thing, it is supporting a thing).  Another dopamine hit.  Kickstarter throws in the extra “supporting something” factor.

Why buy a thing?  To get it in the mail. To have something to open.  To get a moment of happiness from something external. To think “this-Bluetooth-device-will-finally-be-the-one-I’ve-been-always-wanting-and-will-finally-work-awesome”.

It is hard to look in the mirror and address an emotion, an attitude, a reason.  It is hard not to want to fill a void with a click.  To turn on the TV (or name a device) and wait for the world (time) to pass.  Sleep.  Repeat.

Recently, in a podcast, I said “I have never been happier”.  Yet, I have less money than ever before; with a child to boot.  On paper you would think I was walking the razor’s edge (do not get me wrong, the shittiest time(s) of my life have been in the past 10 years).  Yet how is time currently being spent?  Writing.  Podcasting. Blogging. Reading. Painting. Taking walks. Setting good examples for my daugther.  Choosing to be a better father (huh? huh?  that joke does not get old*). 

My daugther matters more than things.  It would be unfair to make her the reason for my happiness.  That is a pressure and responsibility no child should have to be bear for a parent or caregiver.  Yet, she was a catalyst for some hard nights, deep thoughts, and changes.  Not the reason I am happy.  A reason to rethink what is happy and work towards better. To work towards what really matters.  To show her a different (better?) path. 

To be a better example.  To be more engaged.  Wanting to give her better moments, better experiences.  To teach her life is not stuff, but connections and time.  This may be a stretch, but this is where my mind went:  Henry David Thoreau spent years in the woods connecting with nature and writing.  We still read and think about his work today. Most of the people I admire, read about, and learn from did not grow up going to Disney. Traveling the world. Having lots of money (oddly enough they ended up with money, but that was from a childhood spent not having it, using their creativity, and being lucky with mentors, etc.  Again, that is another post).

Much of what we need to be free is free. The library for one. A world outside begging to be played in. Explored.  Active.  Imaginative.  Purposeful.

This started by talking about buying / needing things.  I like things.  Yet… have too many things, appreciate none. Have less things, appreciate more.

Two books from the library were read yesterday.  Free to have new worlds, views, thoughts made possible.  There are four books in waiting. Each one hoping to be picked next. Like me at a middle school dance (side note, I talked to the mom of the girl I liked more than the girl I liked.  She did not pick me .  Years later, we almost married.  Again, a story for another time).

Back to James Clear and habit switching.  There is still an urge to buy things.  It is a work in process (progress?).  Yet, more writing, more reading, more walking, more painting, translates to less time online, less influence from sales, ads, etc. The less desire to need something in the mailbox.

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” – George R.R. Martin in A Dance With Dragons (bookmark from Wonderflies)

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

*Family Guy – Titles of Movies Within Movies and Cops Nowadays – YouTube

Today’s the day Adam Grant’s “Think Again” goes back to the library.  Someone else is waiting to enjoy it.  Currently, resisting the urge to buy it, re-read it and highlight it.  Maybe, I will ask for it as a birthday gift.  Right now, it seems like an impulse purchase that make zero sense when I got to read and enjoy it for free. 

The next couple of posts will be a reflection on Adam’s book.

We do not learn easily, and relearning is harder.  That is why teaching our children at a young age is so important.  One of the most important ways is through example.  What we are teaching is just as important as how.  Teaching facts and figures, and random dates does not get the job done.  Yet, that seems to be all we are doing with their eager, malleable minds.

Why?  Because we (through no fault of our own) failed to learn and grow and understand.  Why?  We fell into the same programing trap our parents did. 

Adam uses the example of the team at Pixar who made the movie Incredibles.  An impossible feat, where the technology had not caught up to the vision.  Yet, taking the disagreeable people at Pixar, those hard to work with and always pushing back was exactly what was needed.  The disagreeable people, when put to the task did not except what was said to be “not possible”.  The disagreeable people, when under the right manager, broke the rules and created new programs and software to make possible what was deemed impossible.  The agreeable people agreed with the status quo and agreed with what was not possible.  “You are right boss, cannot be done boss.”

Most of us do not have the humility to keep the disagreeable around.  We do not take on the challenge to figure out how they can work with others.  They are the bad apples and bad apples need to go.  It is conventional wisdom.  So, we teach our kids to be the good apple.  To blend in.  Only allowed to stick out when sticking out for being exceptional in the traditional sense.  Many of us do not have the bravery to stand up for our kids.  To allow them to find their path, their way. Instead, we tell them to “fit the mold”, that disagreeable is wrong. Not that others are wrong for trying to make them fit a mold.

This was one section of Adam’s book.  A few pages out of nearly 300.  So much insight and wisdom about rethinking what it is we think we know. Or rethinking what we have been taught and told.

That is what we need to teach our children.  No one wants to go first. That is making it about us.  We want to shield and protect our children.  We want to make their lives easy and enjoyable.  We think helping them fit in is what will make their lives better.  We should be letting them learn who they are. That is what matters. Maybe it will lead to bumps in the road, being an outlier is not always easy.  That is life. It is hard.  It does not come easily.  That is not a bad lesson.  Especially, while we are around to support and encourage them. To help teach them coping skills.  As they become adults, I think they will thank us. 

Would you rather a parent force you on a path that is not yours?  Or allowed to find your path, with a parent encouraging along the way?  Feel free to substitute friend, partner, spouse, etc. for “parent”.  It is not too late to start rethinking for yourself.  Imagine the example that would set for your children.

Posted. Not perfect.

A Vegan father, navigating a non-vegan world.

Adam Grant – Books, Podcast, TED Talks, Newsletter, Articles

Why is there so much built around gain?  The need for more.  Why?  What is enough?  When will it be enough?  Why isn’t it enough?  Is it external or internal?  Are we giving in to companies, ads, and marketing?  Or are you trying to fulfill a need, an emptiness, a childhood loss?  Is it depression?  Keeping up with the Jones’?

Stop.  Breathe.  Pause.  Wait.

Time is the greatest asset we have.  It is the most expensive, consuming asset we have.  Yet, we do not think of it, or picture it, or spend, or treat it that way.

What are we gaining when we work to get more?  Things.  Yet, losing time.  If we work but do not gain things, then we are stocking piling money for death.  Which, we can all assume the money stays, we go.

Maybe, you are one of those that loves what they do.  Does not feel the need to buy things.  Is not trying to fill a hole in your life.  Make mommy and daddy proud.  Prove to that bully from school you made it, etc.  Congrats you are an outlier.  That is awesome.

I am giving up things to have time with my daugther.  To be with her.  To be present.  To show her happiness is not a big house, money in the bank, things, things, and more things (except books, lllloooovvvveeee books, all the books, more books – “HOW I SPEND MONEY” Print – Scribbles Shop).

I think it shows her what really matters. It shows her what is important.  She is not competing with me.  She is not competing for me. She is not living up to some random standard.  Some arbitrary goal.  She is enough and I love her.  We have libraries and cheap Michael’s crafts a couple days after every holiday. We sit and read together.  We wrestle.  We laugh.  We play dolls.  I give her time and space.  Calm.

I am not making a lot of money, but I am spending my time wisely.  What if, when I die, I am living in a studio apartment and only have the shirt on my back? As I am ready to pass my daughter asks, “Do you wish you had more stuff?”

My answer would be: “I spent and invested wisely.  Now it is time.”

When I leave this world, my daugther will have pictures painted, words written, books read, and time with her father.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father navigation a non-vegan world.

Anger (Anger | Definition of Anger by Merriam-Webster (merriam-webster.com))

1:a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism

If you have listened to my podcast or been reading along, then you may be aware of my desire to better understand anger.  Particularly, my anger surrounding a divorce. It lingers in the back of my mind, even when it is not at the front of my mind.  It is not my natural state.  It is not my preferred state.  It was confusing and disorienting to feel that way. 

For years I tried to understand it, rationalize it, control it, move past it. The anger bothered, confused, and frustrated me.  Hurt, lost, and twisted by another person’s actions and an unfamiliar emotion.  People said, “Of course you are angry.  It’s okay, given the situation”.  Disconnected and distraught by my own emotions. Then…

Fear (Fear | Definition of Fear by Merriam-Webster (merriam-webster.com))

1a: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger; 1: an instance of this emotion; 2: anxious concern; 3: reason for alarm: DANGER

It was not anger. It was fear.  A misunderstanding of words led to years of stumbles and displaced identity.  As if wondering why a car will not run while putting diesel fuel in an unleaded tank.  Then getting the oil changed to fix the problem. It will not work, because it is addressing the wrong problem. 

Anger gives up power.  It gives someone or something control and influence over you.  It never felt right because it was not right.  Anger is external.  Anger is unspecified.  Anger is yelling and screaming. Control over one’s self given away.

Once the real culprit was identified everything became clearer and started to fall into place. Fear is internal.  Fear is specific. Fear is being worried and confused.  It can also be confronted and controlled.

Once properly identified, the work began.  What were the fears?  Fear of money.  Fear of being bullied.  Fear of not being with my daugther.  Fear of choices being made on her behalf, not in her best interest.  Fear of how I would spend my time, after having been alone raising my daugther for 6.5 years.  Fear of what life looked like in a town I did not know, people I did not know.  Fear of being away from my family.  Fear of how she would adjust.  Fear of putting my daughter through a divorce.  I can go on.

Without addressing each one, I will address the process.  First, looking at each fear and addressing them one by one.  Once identified, “what can be done about this?”, “Can this be put aside and dealt with later?”, “What is the true impact of this (other than being scared)?”, “How can I use this?”, “Can I use this?”, “Does this need to be handled immediately?”.

Understanding it was not anger, but fear put the emotions in my control.  If you are feeling anger/angry; is that really what you are feeling?  Anger can be misidentified.  Trying to address anger, may not be the right thing, if the emotion just looks like anger.  It could be hurt, fear, loneliness, confusion, betrayal, or something else entirely. If you are trying to put a band-aid on a broken arm, it may not be the tool for the job. To properly access, you need to properly identify. 

I lost years thinking, wondering, and making excuses for being angry.  I was not.  I was scared.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father navigating a non-vegan world.

The most important thing we’ve learned,
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set —
Or better still, just don’t install
The idiotic thing at all.
In almost every house we’ve been,
We’ve watched them gaping at the screen.
They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.
(Last week in someone’s place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)
They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they’re hypnotised by it,
Until they’re absolutely drunk
With all that shocking ghastly junk.
Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
They don’t climb out the window sill,
They never fight or kick or punch,
They leave you free to cook the lunch
And wash the dishes in the sink —
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
This does to your beloved tot?
IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK — HE ONLY SEES!
‘All right!’ you’ll cry. ‘All right!’ you’ll say,
‘But if we take the set away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our darling children? Please explain!’
We’ll answer this by asking you,
‘What used the darling ones to do?
‘How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?’
Have you forgotten? Don’t you know?
We’ll say it very loud and slow:
THEY … USED … TO … READ! They’d READ and READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half their lives was reading books!
The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching ’round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it’s Penelope.)
The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There’s Mr. Rate and Mr. Mole-
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks-
Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They’ll now begin to feel the need
Of having something to read.
And once they start — oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They’ll grow so keen
They’ll wonder what they’d ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did.

I am almost finished with Adam Grant’s book “Think Again.”

When it is completed, I am going to put a sticky note in it with my name and number.  That seems very white male privileged.  To feel safe enough to put my name and number in a random book.  Maybe it is.

Yet… hear me out. 

1 – Who knows if it will make it back on the shelf with the note.  Zero idea of how library’s work, or who is checking and flipping through books.

2 – If they are getting Adam’s book there are at least four common connectors to the person: A – They are someone that goes to libraries. B – They are someone interested in Adam’s new book. C – They are someone that checks books out at libraries. D – Presumably, they like to read.

3 – It is a small-town library.  How bat-shit crazy could they be?

4 – This seems like a very “now” thing to do.

5 – It could be a great connection.  

6 – The hope of reaching, connecting, finding someone to talk with.  Someone that likes books!

7 – It inspired a desire to do this with other books.  Maybe not put my name and number in other books, but random notes in library books after finishing them.  A note about something that stuck out, or inspired a thought, or blog post.  A “hello, enjoy this book”.  I even had the thought to go back after the book is on the shelf to by-pass the librarian that may be checking for random notes left in books.  Maybe a super-checker for damage.

It was a thought that came to me as Adam’s book is nearly complete. Thought I would share incase it inspired a thought, or action for something similar or nearly similar.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

Today was a nice Sunday with my daugther.  It wound down late in the afternoon by reading for a couple of hours.  The current book of choice is “Think Again”, by Adam Grant. An amazing read.

After yesterday’s post, I was going to let the “quotes” thread/thoughts go.  Then…

… on page 196, “… they gave their mini-TED talk about the problems with TED talks, pointing out the risks of reinforcing short attention spans and privileging superficial polish over deep insight.  Their presentation was so thoughtful and entertaining that I played it for the entire class.  ‘If you have the courage to stand up to the trend towards glib, seamless answers,’ they deadpanned as we laughed, ‘then stop watching this video right now, and do some real research, like we did.’”

This parallels yesterday’s post.  Quick dopamine hits through “just do it” slogans.  TED talks were not in the original equation. They are now.  We are trying to watch as much as possible. We have been conditioned to get the information as quickly and easily as possible (even longform Netflix shows are dropped all at once… we just can’t wait week to week. Articles online have times on them letting you know it will only take 2 minutes to read).

Cal Newport had an ad on his podcast for Blinkist (Blinkist: Big ideas in small packages).  It’s an app for getting whole books in 5-15 minutes.  It builds upon the you-don’t-have-time-but-you-need-to-get-as-much-as-possible-as-quickly-as-possible moment we are in.  It did not fit with Cal’s message, in my opinion.  Then, he saved it by saying, “listen to a quick hit of a book and see if you want to read the whole book” (good save and not a horrible way to approach it).

We have lost the longform.  So much so, that inspirational quotes that use to be cute on a poster are now grouped with the damage of TED talks and Blinkist, and YouTube Videos and TikTok and… and… and.

We need to get back to long form…. Everything.  Our patience is taken from us.  Our ability to wait and pause is taken from us.  Seconds.  Minutes.  Moments.  All stolen.  Pieces we will never get back. I’ll just check Facebook for a minute. An hour lost one post at a time.

We beep and we bloop our ways through life.  We get phantom vibrations in our pockets from phones.  There are articles written about keeping your phone in the backseat, not to be safe, but so you don’t forget your kid (Preventing Tragedy: Tips to protect yourself against ever leaving your child in a hot car | WCIV (abcnews4.com)) That’s just one story. Google it.

Often, we do not think of things as “bad”. Until they are.  TED talks do not get it done. Quippy quotes do not get it done.  All this from “inspirational quotes?” you ask.  What we consume matters.  They form.  They influence.  Little nuggets of “wisdom” pulls away the layers of what is really needed to accomplish something.  To reach an end goal. To read a book, not the Cliff’s Notes version.  You may read less books, but you’ll get more from each one.

Longform.  Be intentional with you time. Reclaim your mind. 

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

A recent blog post talked about quotes and their dangers.  Saying they were dangerous and set bad examples by condensing entire lives into a few “inspirational” words.

Shortly after, in a podcast, I quoted Maya Angelou: I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

That stung as hypocritical.  So, I dug deeper into the why it felt that way.  Why quote her?  Why feel the need to quote her?  Why write a blog post about the dangers of quotes, then immediately quote in a podcast, then put it in the show notes?

I am reading Adam Grant’s new book Think Again. Recording ideas / inspirations from the book.  Writing words and phrases that stick out, inspire, or cause a reaction.  Concepts to dig deeper on, or write about, or talk about in a podcast.

Why the contradiction?  Why say one thing, then do another?

After processing, it became clear, it was not a contradiction. It required clarification.  This could be summed up by what was said above: “they were dangerous and set a bad example and condensed entire lives into a few ‘inspirational’ words.”

When the quote makes life out to be a “all you have to do is…”, “once you do ‘x’ you’ll be…”, or “all it took was…” that’s dangerous.  Those set a bad precedent. Those display a lack of time, effort, hard work, and investment required to do something (sometimes even the ones that try and say it takes time, effort, hard work to do it).

The example of Maya Angelou’s quote above is not a “by the bootstraps” quote.  Not a “hang in there”, “reach the top of the mountain” one and done “if you only…” quote.  It is a map.  A lesson.  It takes more words to make its point, without needing a paragraph or page.  Which is why it is easily quotable, but more than “just do it” (which, based off a previous post “just try it”.  That does not spark an energy surge straight into a brick wall.  Which, for some reason, we seem to prefer).

When seeing a quote, does it feel like a dopamine hit, or cause reflection?  Does it make you think “YEAH!” with no substance, or direction?  Does it give guidance and thought, a little nudge, something you can work on, or think through?

I still think certain quotes are dangerous and set a bad precedence.  Yet, felt the need to post a clarification.  Because, there is a difference between quoting someone and someone writing to be quoted.

Posted. Not perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world