988 – Find examples of courageous people your child wouldn’t have heard of, read about, or been taught in school.

We need examples of heroes to encourage strength, moral clarity, direction. Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” has become a cliché. A nice poem to inspire not taking the path many others have taken. Yet, there is a path taken by countless nameless souls that would be the better choice than the less traveled path.

It is important to know the names of those that forged an unprecedented path that progressed the world forward. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr. People with heroic sacrifices like James Stockdale. These people, while necessary and exemplary examples of what humans can accomplish, have become akin to comic book heroes. Once in a lifetime moments where they stood tall and took the path less taken to define a generation. To cement a place in history. And for 99.9% of people completely not relatable.

What inspired today’s post was reading “Courage is Calling” by Ryan Holiday. In the chapter titled “No Time for Hesitating” he talks about 2 marines that stop a truck loaded with explosives. From the time the truck enters the alley to when the marines blow it up with gunfire was six seconds. 2 marines, until now, I had never heard of. Yet, reading this I cried. Two marines sacrificed, without hesitation, their lives for a minimum of 50 others. No time to think. No time to weigh the consequences. As he quotes in the book. “1 second to notice the truck. 2 seconds to lift their guns and fire. 2 seconds for the bullets to do their work. 1 second to live.” Not even all the lives of the people they saved in those six seconds are aware of what they did. Their names are: Jonathan Yale and Jordan Haerter. Now you know their names to.

Ryan talks about the courage of the people behind Martin Luther King that most of us have never heard of. The sacrifices they made for the cause. To step back, so he could succeed. The bravery and courage it took for them to be a driving force, yet care more about millions of others than having their names written in history.

We need the superhero’s to post up, glorify, exemplify and prosthelytize . Yet, there others we could more easily relate to. Everyday heroes, that if we knew of them, could inspire us to more. The mother that fights to get more recess in schools. The father that changes his diet to live longer for his child. The child that calls 911 to save a grandparent that fell. These stories are out there, but they are fleeting. They don’t stick. Their names don’t get written in books.

Find these examples for your child. Read them the story of the firefighter that jumped in the lake to save a child. The bus driver that noticed something suspicious at the bus stop and didn’t leave, and called for help. Don’t show it or talk about it once. Repeat it. Revisit it. Print it off and hang it up. Show your child what it takes to have everyday courage. Not just people history has determined are worth taking about. The everyday, ordinary person, that when confronted, without hesitation, does the right thing in the moment. Then fades back into obscurity.

Find them. Share them. Do not move on from them. When your child sees what the ordinary person is capable of. They will learn it’s possible to be extraordinary.

989 – Smile more. Don’t fake it. Just remind yourself to do it more. You are imprinting an image of yourself in your child’s mind. Will they remember you sad, somber, neutral, or with a smile?

990 – Read without book shame. Lessons, ideas, inspiration, breakthrough moments. “Ah-ha” moments. Words and concepts hanging out, waiting in the ether to be found and discovered. Words other people have written to give pause and reflection. A moment to discover and better understand a situation or conflict.

Some of the best parenting books I’ve ever read were The Berenstain Bears. There was one time reading to my daughter at Barnes & Noble it dawned on me that these books were written more for the parent than the child; while being wildly entertaining for the child. Papa Bear often being the catalyst for the stories to learn what not to, or how not to react, “Oh, Papa, calm down, it was just an accident”.

Today’s writing was inspired by reading A Calendar of Wisdom by Leo Tolstoy, March 30. One of the quotes on that page was: “If you want to demonstrate some truth to your listeners, do not be irritated, and do not say unkind or abusive words.” – After Epictetus. Seems like some of the best parenting advice read yet.

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991 – Don’t just tell your child you love them. Let them know you like them

There is a difference between the two and those differences matter. You can fall out of like. People use the word “love” all the time to say they no longer love you. Love gets over used and used against people. It can be used to hurt.

Love is a great and powerful word. It’s a beautiful and wonderful emotion. This isn’t saying love is bad. Like just means you like their person. Who they are.

We are told from the beginning to “love” *blank*. We are never told to like them. There might be a reason for that.

Don’t just say “I love you”… tell them, “ I like you”.

992 – Practice your reaction. You know your child will spill something in the car. You know they will spill something on the couch. You know they will spill something somewhere at sometime at some point. Because you know this will happen, because it will happen, walk around the house and think about the reaction you immediately have thinking about “blank” being spilled on “blank”. Have that reaction. Own it. Now. Do better.

You can get the frustration and upsettness (not a word apparently, but totally should be) out of your system to have a more measured and constructive response next time. The real time. Instead of yelling, or overreacting (ya drama queen, or drama gender neutral person). You can address it calmly and succinctly. You can model a measured, immediate response (if actual cheers don’t happen, you can imagine them in your head).

As an example my daughter jumped at me yesterday morning stamping my face with a stamp. My response we not measured, but immediate. Ya see, being punched in the face first thing in the morning with a stamp wasn’t something i had planned for, prepared for, anticipated, or expected… oddly enough. Yet… YET, i had practiced responses to odd random things from my daughter before. If not practiced, already experienced. So, i walked away. Brushed my teeth, washed my face. Took a minute. Went back and addressed it.

Tonight, she spilled her cheesy popcorn (pop popcorn, get a cheese packet from a Mac and cheese box and sprinkle it over the popcorn. My stoner uncle’s girlfriend made this for me one night when he put me in front of Aliens and got stoned. Scared the *blank* out of me for most of the rest of my life. When i went into the kitchen, i was told to stay out of, but hungry and fear overrode this order, his wickedly attractive girlfriend made cheesy popcorn for me. I think my pre-pubescent adolescent self overrode fear for the hot chic paying attention to me and making me a simple yet amazing treat). And now my daughter gets to benefit from a random hot chick making me popcorn while stoned.

AAAAANNNWWWWWAAAYYYYY… she spilled her cheesy popcorn on the floor and immediately said ‘I’m sorry”, in a sad tone that always makes my heartbreak, but that’s a story for another time. My response, “It’s okay. It was just an accident. That’s what they make vacuums for. Just pick up what you can and we’ll get the rest later”.

No harm. No foul. No over reaction. Just an accident with a calm measured, immediate response. See? Practice.

993 – Show your child the same grace you would show yourself. What’s your reaction when you knock something over? What’s your reaction when you child knocks something over? Your child spilling a drink in the car vs you spilling a drink in the car?

Is your reaction as forgiving, or more immediate to being cautious, paying attention, saying “I know I shouldn’t have let you have that in the car?”

We all spill, knock stuff over, misjudge the landing spot. Yet, we do not all have someone watching over us, commenting on our mistakes, or watching to see what we do wrong next. If we do, it’s a bad boss, a bad relationship, a negative situation that causes stress. Situations we would prefer not to be in and don’t look forward to.

Show your child the same grace you show yourself. Next time they knock something over, spill something, misjudge the location of the cupholder, instead of an immediate, or gut negative reaction say, “Not a problem. I love you and we’ll get that clean up the next chance we get.”

(As a PSA, it is recommended keeping within arms reach: napkins, a towel, wet wipes, and laying down a sheet or blanket in the backseat).

994 – Let them lead. Ask what they want to do one morning and do that. You may be surprised at what that thing is. I talked with a parent friend about this once and her daughter’s response was “stay off your phone all day”. That was it. It’s nothing to be scared of.

My daughter’s response today was “play Harry Potter dolls”. That was it. What’s perfect to you. What’s ideal to you. What you think they want, or will make them happy, may not be in alignment. So, ask. Then do.

That’s it. Just one day. No phone. Playing dolls. Walking in the woods. If you are trying to accomplish something, like not being in the house, or in front of a screen modify the question. “If we could do anything not in the house or in front of a screen, what would it be?”

No judgment. If they don’t have an answer, that may be a sign of something bigger to work on. However, you can help get to something. Not a family fun day. Not a let’s get out of the house day. Just a day.

995 – Talk to your child like you would talk to an adult. There is research supporting “baby talk” when a child is first born. There is research supporting talking to a child “normally”. I support normal talk. Not just in sentences and phrases, but words and acknowledgement. Talk to them as you would an adult (while understanding they are still a child). Use full sentences. Use words they may not know yet. Challenge their brain to understand the meaning or spirit of a word, without knowing the definition (ever ask an adult to define a random word they use everyday?).

Don’t talk “down” to your child. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Assume you are wrong and they know more than you give them credit for. Or, they can understand or conclude more than you give them credit for.

996 – Let your child know you are proud of them. Say it randomly. Say it when it would matter to them. Say it when it would be unexpected. Make a note and place it somewhere to remind you to say it. Give them a specific example of a time you were proud of them. Don’t give them a specific example. A simple just because moment. Not a time they made you proud. That’s not the point, or the goal, or the purpose. This has nothing to do with you. It’s about them. And you are proud of them. For who they are.

997 – Sleep patterns and sleep schedules matter.  Having a routine for sleep is one of the best ways to ensure success for your child.  Many issues are linked with poor sleep.  Aggression, tantrums, “not listening” (more on that one later).  We often fail to recognize how we act when we don’t get enough sleep.  So it makes sense when we fail to notice our children’s struggles in connection to a lack of sleep, or inconsistent sleep.

The research is coming out and the understanding of sleep’s importance is graining recognition.  As with most of these parenting thoughts, this also applies to the parent.  Use getting your child on a sleep schedule to get yourself on one.  You’ll be less grumpy.  Have less breakdown moments, and be better able to deal with and accept the moments in parenting where patience would greatly improve the outcome.