985 – Show your child the joy of the simple things. The necessary things, which are, the simple things.

“A dress presented to you as a gift by the king may be beautiful, but your own simple dress is better. Different meals from the tables of the rich may be good, but a loaf of simple bread from your own table always tastes much better.” Muslih-Ud-Din Saadi

It seems more important now than ever. Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s and 90’s we weren’t exposed to the daily rich lives of others. There were always the “rich kids” or that one wealthy family, but we didn’t see their minute by minute daily lives.

Today kids are exposed to that. Today they see what they believe is the truth of the lives they don’t have. For me going to Disneyland wasn’t an option. All that meant was we went to Cedar Point instead. That was it. There were commercials and pictures, but not a reality that someone’s life was less because they couldn’t afford to go Disneyland. Now, there is stigma, whether it is internal or external, because kids see what they are not a part of differently (even if what we are seeing isn’t the truth).

What can you have vs what you need. When my daughter was born there was an opportunity to step back, re-access and determine what really mattered (this was a struggle and something that can be talked about later). Ultimately, it was decided , without even knowing it at the time, to go with simple. Simple food. Simple pleasures. What became to be understood was what really mattered was time.

If you are doing the parenting thing well, and you ask your child if they want an iPad or your time, they should answer your time. Time is the most scarce resource on the planet. It’s also the one with no pre-determined end point. Could be today. Could be 45 years from now. Would my daughter appreciate being left 20 million dollars when I die, heck even 1 million? Or, if the parenting focus was structured differently during this time, more appreciate she wasn’t left a million dollars because instead she was given time?

Time is simple but finite. Provide them the simple things in life. They’ll make their own way.

986 – Foster curiosity.

Though questions and exploration. Through books and conversation. Teaching out children to ask questions and explore will be essential to their growth as a person. To do this properly, we need to shut-up. We need to listen. We need to allow space, time and silence to let their brains work, process and enjoy.

You will be teaching your children the answers don’t come quickly. To take a moment to think through a problem for the solution. We are teaching them opinions and thoughts matter. Prompt. Don’t answer. Pause. Don’t fill the silence. Take time. Don’t rush.

There are no rules, timelines, structure or answer(s) for curiosity. Each moment is a caterpillar in metamorphosis. A butterfly waiting to emerge from its chrysalis. You can foster the process, or wreck it.

Curiosity is problem solving. It’s asking questions. It’s an exploration of the world. Don’t interrupt. Don’t mock. Shoot down. Or otherwise negate their process, whatever it is, to show us, to tell us, to explain to us, how they are viewing whatever it is they are choosing to focus their attention on. Just foster it. Encourage it. And wonder at what comes from it. In the process, learn from it. Allow yourself to become the butterfly.

987 – Look for, pay attention to, create joy with your child.

I don’t like cliches. Especially when it comes to parenting. There is a time and place for them, to be sure. Overall, they are rubbish. And deserve no place. Take them or leave them? Leave them.

Though, I wonder, is not liking them because of them, or because people tend to say them and then ignore them? Don’t say it to say it, then neglect the very thing you just said.

Specifically referring to “they grow up so fast”. Then pay better attention. Stop putting “other” first. Stop fighting and arguing. Stop wasting time in front of screens and on and on. A riff on a quote attributed to John Lennon, “they grow up fast” while you are busy doing other things. Be present. Starting looking for, paying attention to, creating the joy that is having a child.

They don’t grow up fast. It’s more about what you are doing while they are growing. They grow one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. That’s 86, 400 seconds, 1, 440 minutes, or 24 hours to notice, create, and be a part of the joy of having a child.

988 – Find examples of courageous people your child wouldn’t have heard of, read about, or been taught in school.

We need examples of heroes to encourage strength, moral clarity, direction. Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” has become a cliché. A nice poem to inspire not taking the path many others have taken. Yet, there is a path taken by countless nameless souls that would be the better choice than the less traveled path.

It is important to know the names of those that forged an unprecedented path that progressed the world forward. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr. People with heroic sacrifices like James Stockdale. These people, while necessary and exemplary examples of what humans can accomplish, have become akin to comic book heroes. Once in a lifetime moments where they stood tall and took the path less taken to define a generation. To cement a place in history. And for 99.9% of people completely not relatable.

What inspired today’s post was reading “Courage is Calling” by Ryan Holiday. In the chapter titled “No Time for Hesitating” he talks about 2 marines that stop a truck loaded with explosives. From the time the truck enters the alley to when the marines blow it up with gunfire was six seconds. 2 marines, until now, I had never heard of. Yet, reading this I cried. Two marines sacrificed, without hesitation, their lives for a minimum of 50 others. No time to think. No time to weigh the consequences. As he quotes in the book. “1 second to notice the truck. 2 seconds to lift their guns and fire. 2 seconds for the bullets to do their work. 1 second to live.” Not even all the lives of the people they saved in those six seconds are aware of what they did. Their names are: Jonathan Yale and Jordan Haerter. Now you know their names to.

Ryan talks about the courage of the people behind Martin Luther King that most of us have never heard of. The sacrifices they made for the cause. To step back, so he could succeed. The bravery and courage it took for them to be a driving force, yet care more about millions of others than having their names written in history.

We need the superhero’s to post up, glorify, exemplify and prosthelytize . Yet, there others we could more easily relate to. Everyday heroes, that if we knew of them, could inspire us to more. The mother that fights to get more recess in schools. The father that changes his diet to live longer for his child. The child that calls 911 to save a grandparent that fell. These stories are out there, but they are fleeting. They don’t stick. Their names don’t get written in books.

Find these examples for your child. Read them the story of the firefighter that jumped in the lake to save a child. The bus driver that noticed something suspicious at the bus stop and didn’t leave, and called for help. Don’t show it or talk about it once. Repeat it. Revisit it. Print it off and hang it up. Show your child what it takes to have everyday courage. Not just people history has determined are worth taking about. The everyday, ordinary person, that when confronted, without hesitation, does the right thing in the moment. Then fades back into obscurity.

Find them. Share them. Do not move on from them. When your child sees what the ordinary person is capable of. They will learn it’s possible to be extraordinary.

989 – Smile more. Don’t fake it. Just remind yourself to do it more. You are imprinting an image of yourself in your child’s mind. Will they remember you sad, somber, neutral, or with a smile?

990 – Read without book shame. Lessons, ideas, inspiration, breakthrough moments. “Ah-ha” moments. Words and concepts hanging out, waiting in the ether to be found and discovered. Words other people have written to give pause and reflection. A moment to discover and better understand a situation or conflict.

Some of the best parenting books I’ve ever read were The Berenstain Bears. There was one time reading to my daughter at Barnes & Noble it dawned on me that these books were written more for the parent than the child; while being wildly entertaining for the child. Papa Bear often being the catalyst for the stories to learn what not to, or how not to react, “Oh, Papa, calm down, it was just an accident”.

Today’s writing was inspired by reading A Calendar of Wisdom by Leo Tolstoy, March 30. One of the quotes on that page was: “If you want to demonstrate some truth to your listeners, do not be irritated, and do not say unkind or abusive words.” – After Epictetus. Seems like some of the best parenting advice read yet.

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991 – Don’t just tell your child you love them. Let them know you like them

There is a difference between the two and those differences matter. You can fall out of like. People use the word “love” all the time to say they no longer love you. Love gets over used and used against people. It can be used to hurt.

Love is a great and powerful word. It’s a beautiful and wonderful emotion. This isn’t saying love is bad. Like just means you like their person. Who they are.

We are told from the beginning to “love” *blank*. We are never told to like them. There might be a reason for that.

Don’t just say “I love you”… tell them, “ I like you”.

992 – Practice your reaction. You know your child will spill something in the car. You know they will spill something on the couch. You know they will spill something somewhere at sometime at some point. Because you know this will happen, because it will happen, walk around the house and think about the reaction you immediately have thinking about “blank” being spilled on “blank”. Have that reaction. Own it. Now. Do better.

You can get the frustration and upsettness (not a word apparently, but totally should be) out of your system to have a more measured and constructive response next time. The real time. Instead of yelling, or overreacting (ya drama queen, or drama gender neutral person). You can address it calmly and succinctly. You can model a measured, immediate response (if actual cheers don’t happen, you can imagine them in your head).

As an example my daughter jumped at me yesterday morning stamping my face with a stamp. My response we not measured, but immediate. Ya see, being punched in the face first thing in the morning with a stamp wasn’t something i had planned for, prepared for, anticipated, or expected… oddly enough. Yet… YET, i had practiced responses to odd random things from my daughter before. If not practiced, already experienced. So, i walked away. Brushed my teeth, washed my face. Took a minute. Went back and addressed it.

Tonight, she spilled her cheesy popcorn (pop popcorn, get a cheese packet from a Mac and cheese box and sprinkle it over the popcorn. My stoner uncle’s girlfriend made this for me one night when he put me in front of Aliens and got stoned. Scared the *blank* out of me for most of the rest of my life. When i went into the kitchen, i was told to stay out of, but hungry and fear overrode this order, his wickedly attractive girlfriend made cheesy popcorn for me. I think my pre-pubescent adolescent self overrode fear for the hot chic paying attention to me and making me a simple yet amazing treat). And now my daughter gets to benefit from a random hot chick making me popcorn while stoned.

AAAAANNNWWWWWAAAYYYYY… she spilled her cheesy popcorn on the floor and immediately said ‘I’m sorry”, in a sad tone that always makes my heartbreak, but that’s a story for another time. My response, “It’s okay. It was just an accident. That’s what they make vacuums for. Just pick up what you can and we’ll get the rest later”.

No harm. No foul. No over reaction. Just an accident with a calm measured, immediate response. See? Practice.

993 – Show your child the same grace you would show yourself. What’s your reaction when you knock something over? What’s your reaction when you child knocks something over? Your child spilling a drink in the car vs you spilling a drink in the car?

Is your reaction as forgiving, or more immediate to being cautious, paying attention, saying “I know I shouldn’t have let you have that in the car?”

We all spill, knock stuff over, misjudge the landing spot. Yet, we do not all have someone watching over us, commenting on our mistakes, or watching to see what we do wrong next. If we do, it’s a bad boss, a bad relationship, a negative situation that causes stress. Situations we would prefer not to be in and don’t look forward to.

Show your child the same grace you show yourself. Next time they knock something over, spill something, misjudge the location of the cupholder, instead of an immediate, or gut negative reaction say, “Not a problem. I love you and we’ll get that clean up the next chance we get.”

(As a PSA, it is recommended keeping within arms reach: napkins, a towel, wet wipes, and laying down a sheet or blanket in the backseat).

994 – Let them lead. Ask what they want to do one morning and do that. You may be surprised at what that thing is. I talked with a parent friend about this once and her daughter’s response was “stay off your phone all day”. That was it. It’s nothing to be scared of.

My daughter’s response today was “play Harry Potter dolls”. That was it. What’s perfect to you. What’s ideal to you. What you think they want, or will make them happy, may not be in alignment. So, ask. Then do.

That’s it. Just one day. No phone. Playing dolls. Walking in the woods. If you are trying to accomplish something, like not being in the house, or in front of a screen modify the question. “If we could do anything not in the house or in front of a screen, what would it be?”

No judgment. If they don’t have an answer, that may be a sign of something bigger to work on. However, you can help get to something. Not a family fun day. Not a let’s get out of the house day. Just a day.