Every few pages in Neil Pasricha’s book Two Minute Mornings he will have a page of quoted research on happiness, journaling, etc.  There is also surprise “drop in” quotes/sayings.  After writing in the journal this morning, turning the page to prepare for tomorrow there was a quote on the bottom right:  The goal is not to be perfect.  The goal is to be better than before.

Various versions of that can be found on the internet.  There is a version that ends these (nearly) daily writings.  The thing is not just to read a quote, copy a quote, write a quote, journal a quote, copy and paste a quote.  Instead think about it. Process it.  Stick with it for a bit. There is a reason these writings are all ended with the same three sentences.  A reminder.  A reinforcement of a goal.

Here is the thing, each time I write, it is done with more intention.  More thought.  A desire to double check the work.  To pause.  To write. Yet write with purpose.  That is not how it started.  It started to get the hurt out.  To put thoughts and feelings down.  To get out of my head. To get it out of my head.  Self-doubt, negative talk, self-deprecating “humor”, “it’s not good enough”, “no one will read it”… had any of that been allowed in, this would not exist.

There is no “better than before” if there is no before.  The potential problem with pausing could be procrastination. Far too many years were spent in the wrong kind of pause.  Now, the pause is not debilitating.  The pause is for clarity.  Double checking.  Second checking.  Re-reading.  Improvement.

Picking up the remote and clicking on the TV is easier.  At least, it use to be.  In that before there was no improvement.  There was stagnation.  The before lead to repeating the previous behavior of not doing.  A body in motion tends to stay in motion.  A body at rest tends to stay at rest. 

Energy was not being created or expended.  Like a nuclear reactor, harmless and quiet, until there is a leak.  Then all heck breaks loose. People scramble and run away.  Or you can release the energy created, slowly, purposefully. Create a checklist and perform daily maintenance to keep things running well, properly, better. Fix problems before they occur. 

Do not worry about quality.  Do not think about anything other than creating.  No situation improves or gets better until you start. Then you can look back at the before and better appreciate the now.  Then the now soon becomes the new before.  On and on the cycle repeats.  Yet, you keep getting better.

Now, define your better.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

What was not written and posted yesterday or earlier today was just as important as what is being written now.  The reason for the lack of post even more important.

One key takeaway from the past decade is to pause.  Hold.  Wait.  Come back.  I do not need to look at or re-read what was written and un-posted Tuesday/Wednesday.  It was venom.  It was hurt.  It was frustration. It was cathartic.  It is unpublished.

Few things in this world are perfect.  That is one of them.  It has been told by others to write down what you are feeling, hurting, angry, whatever about.  Get it on paper, blarg it onto the page.  Then… let go.

What is a “perfect” in this world?  Doing that.  Write it.  Scream it.  Blarg it.  Set it free.  For no one in this world to see.

This past year has been harder than ever imagined.  Like the scene in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom.  Incantations.  A  hand to the chest.  A beating heart ripped from said chest.  This is a pain like no other.  That is not being dramatic.

So, breath.  Pause.  Wait.  This is the reality.  Now what?

… more to come…

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating and non-vegan world.

The past couple of posts have focused on parenting.  More on modeling behavior, working with where children are, not where we wish they were.  Anger, frustration, overwhelmed.  That is us. Not them.  We fail to understand how the brain works.  We fail to learn about and understand how a child develops.  How they grow. What the stages of getting from point A to point B are.

Our ignorance crates friction.  Not the child developing and growing.  The human brain does not fully develop until age 25.  It starts regression at age 24.  Expressed multiple times, stupid parenting cliches and our elder’s ignorance cannot and should not be what dictates how we parent.

Unfortunately, trying to be a good parent with knowledge and information tends to get shamed or ridiculed.  Words like coddling, overprotective, hovering, helicopter parenting, treating them with “kid gloves” (seriously, it is in the name you @$%).

One of the least favorite cliches is “oh, just wait until they become a teenager”.  One, don’t do that.  Two, how about I enjoy this moment and time with my child.  Too often when talking about my daugther people say, “Just wait until she becomes a teenager”.  Maybe, just maybe, the problem you had with your teenager was… YOU.  It does not fall on them to figure out how to be raised.  Maybe, just maybe, it is on the parent to learn and understand why a “teenager” is acting the way they are. 

Hint, it is not because they are an asshole.  It is because their brain is developing and experiencing things differently.  It seems to have more to do with the “adult” not being able to get a child to act how they want that causes friction. Not, the adult learning how to better deal with and interact with the child. 

It is my belief the teenage years are hard, because the adult is trying to force a square peg into a circle.  It falls on the parent to be patience, kind, and understanding.  That is not weak parenting.  That is knowledge-based parenting.

When arguments would happen in my past with someone about how I would parent I would think (and never said) “my ego is not tied to whether a 3-year-old does what I say”.  So much pressure is put on children to have to navigate and understand and do what their authority figures say.  They get scolded, yelled at, brow-beaten for not knowing, understanding or being able to comprehend.

It may be coming out here, but there were a couple of frustrating moments the past couple of days with my daugther.  Nothing to do with her directly. It comes from lack of sleep, not eating well, and having to code switch between two people that are on literal opposite sides of the spectrum on everything.  I am not as forceful as another person in her life.  So, my lessons do not get forced.  I continue to teach and educate more through doing and example.  The fortunate part of this is being able to identify it, so it does not get taken out on my daugther.  It strengthens my resolve to be calm and patience and look towards the future not today. 

All that to say this: Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans by Michaeleen Doucleff.  I listened to her interview on Politics and Pose last night (P&P Live! Michaeleen Doucleff—Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans—with Julie Lythcott-Haims | Politics and Prose Bookstore (politics-prose.com).

Hearing Michaeleen talk last night was mind bending in a self-serving way.  She was talking about the very things I wrote about yesterday and the day before.  How to better treat our children by understanding and meeting them where they are.  To teach them through modeling behavior.  Patience and kindness.  If you see that through and old lens, you will see something vastly different than what science sees as happening.  How do you respond to being yelled at?  Scolded?  Punished for a mistake?  Have you, as an adult, had no clue how to do something, or were not given the proper training or information, then been yelled at by someone for not “doing it right”?

Now, imagine being that child.  You need time to breath and process. They need more.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

What matters in life?  They believe what we tell them to believe.  They see what we present to them.  They learn from what they observe and witness us doing.  Their environment is the environment we create for them.

A few holiday’s ago i witnessed a 5 year old child get grabbed by the arm and yelled at for playing and running around on a day that was meant to celebrate, what to them was christmas.  A happy, joyous child being excited by the world he was experiencing.  He was grabbed and scolded for “darning to run around my house.  Do you have no respect for my house and my things?  We don’t treat other people’s stuff like that.  Do you understand?”

This person was a “trusted authority figure” to this child.  This person was suppose to be a loving grandparent.  The boy was petrified in the moment; and broken the rest of the day.  The only thing i heard from this interaction was from the child’s father saying, “just like when we were kids, huh?” To a sibling.

(I still feel shame for not jumping in or defending that boy.  I still carry that moment. What it would have meant to that little boy to have someone defend him.  Not the point of today’s post.  The guilt lingers.)

In that moment a child was taught “things” and “stuff” mattered more than his being happy with his “loving” family on a joyous day.  In that moment it was more important for an adult to scare a child into submission, than to let them play and be happy.

What was taught in that moment? What was learned?

If you are worried about your nice table getting broken, have a less nice table.  If you have a child in your home, maybe don’t install brand new floors that can be damaged.  But, what about getting those new floors?  What matters more?  Watching a child play and be happy, or watching them walking carefully and scared, fearing punishment?

“I am teaching them to be respectful”, you say.  “I am teaching the value of the things we have and to respect what others have”, you say.  What we are really teaching them is things matter more.  We are teaching them to value a couch more than fun, joy, bursts of energy, laughter, and experience.

Our job is to teach them. Teach them what, though?  That’s what we need to decide.  What do we want them to value?  Things?  Stuff?  Why get the new couch, or the new floor?  To show others we’ve made it?  To be an adult?  To show off what we’ve accomplished?  To value a silent child being “respectful” over a child being a child?

Years ago i went to my sisters house where her son was using their house to practice climbing and moving about like an American Ninja Warrior. I didn’t know a lot about my sister’s parenting style (and they have a very nice house).  It made me smile to see her letting her child be comfortable and free in his home.  They they let him explore his passions.  It was a smile and learning moment.  The frame between rooms mattered little to an excited child showing off.  He loves playing soccer now.  I believe, in part, due to a childhood allowed to explore.

We parent the way we do, because we were taught by our elders what is right or wrong, good or bad.  We were told we should trust these people, respect these people.  So, we did, or do.  Some of us got lucky to have better examples.  Some of us less lucky.  Our identity, our examples are based on our childhood.  We are not just changing a parenting style or philosophy.  We are reevaluating our childhood experiences.  Unfortunately, some realizing it wasn’t all good.  It’s hard to look back and realize person “x” in our life was actually very… negative.

For the past year i’ve been telling my daughter if she cleans her room she can earn money.  Currently, she wants money for the dollar store.  “Well, this is how you can earn it.”  Giving a child responsibility, chores and earning a dollar by cleaning is not bad.  That is not the desired impression.  (Side-note, nothing but good feelings and positive experiences are related to books. “Real” books.  Not screens, or Kindles  There is no “bribing” to read.  Books are the reward.  There are no punishments associated with books.)

What has been decided start giving an undeclared, not directly connected to anything specific dollar or two for creativity.  This was in part inspired by a comic the other night (The Bakers by Kyle Baker).  Kyle Baker is a professional artist.  His daughter gave him a piece of art.  Then stuck out her hand out for payment.  He taught her you get paid to make art.  A lesson she seemed to have learned well.

How will this work? Will this work?  We’ll see. It puts the focus on what matters to her.  It puts on the focus on building the foundation and skills that serve her interests.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

Today’s Blog Post was inspired in part by today’s The Daily Dad Podcast: https://dailydad.com

Kyle Baker Amazon Page: https://www.amazon.com/Kyle-Baker/e/B000APA9IS/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

From Work: A Deep History, From the Stone Age to the Age of Robots by James Suzman

“Neurological reorganization and development continue into early adulthood and into our dotage even if as we age the process tends to be driven more by decline rather than growth or regeneration.  Ironically our species extraordinary plasticity when young and the extent to which it declines as we get older also accounts for why as we age we become more stubbornly resistant to change; why habits acquired when we are young are so hard to break when we are old; why we tend to imagine that our cultural beliefs and values are a reflection of our fundamental natures; and why when others’ beliefs and values clash with our won, we slander them as unnatural or inhuman.” (p.83)

The first seven years of my daughter’s life were amazing on one end and… not good on another.  This continues.  It is also why the events of every first day with my daughter inspired yesterday’s post.  There is a voice saying horrible things to me that are no longer said directly to me but linger and sometimes make it hard to sleep.

One thing that has always bugged me about having a daughter during a divorce, and becoming a parent, is the cliche ignorance people “share”.  Where the “new” parent is made out to be overly “whatever” as we are supposed to bend to the stupid coming from people’s mouths.  With a child in a divorce, it’s the conflicting two thoughts shared depending on how people are trying to comfort or scold. One: children are resilient, and they will get through this.  Two: Children are fragile and need to be treated as if a divorce will break them and negatively impact the rest of their life.  So, thanks?

Adam Grant talked similarly to the quote above from Work.  We behave as if what we do with and how we treat our children from birth does not matter.  That is pure ignorance.  If we feed them poorly, they struggle to counter that the rest of their lives.  The habits we set fourth, exemplify, showcase, and display for our children matters.

What we do not get correct now creates gaps in what they must navigate later. There are going to be misses, unknowns, mistakes, our own gaps, limitations, and ignorance creating gaps for them later.  So, why ignorantly push through in something we know is not good for them now.  Sugary, unhealthy, brain hurting foods are known to be bad.  To purposefully (again, situational) feed them poorly creates issues for them now and later.  Again, ignorance.  That is where the frustration from yesterday was born.

To know certain things be true, then to read it the next day, helps bring understanding to the choices we make for, or in some cases,  force on our children.  I have referenced Kevin Smith before.  He had a heart attack after a lifetime of unhealthy choices.  He literally ate himself to death.  He chose  meat, sugar, dairy, fast food, etc. over life.  He is only here today because a doctor brought him back from the dead.  (Sidenote, he lost a bunch of weight and went vegan.  He learned the hard way meat, sugar, dairy, fast food, etc. kill you.)

In one paragraph James touched on parenting, religion, choices, food, eating, health, TV, screens, love, life, relationships, kindness, empathy, more.  The structure of us began forming before we came out.  Something I do not think we fully realize. We fail to give proper weight and attention.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world

Yesterday, picking up my daugther she told me she had Pokémon cereal for breakfast.  That seemed like a horrible idea.  So, I looked it up.  12 grams of sugar per 1 ¼ cups of cereal.  Zero natural sugar.  12 grams of added sugar.  Plus, zero anything even skirting nutritious.  She literally had 12 to, one can assume, 48 grams of a bowl of sugar to start her day.

When she comes here it takes 1-2 days to  detox / reset her.  It takes that time for her body and brain to adjust.  She has become an experiment in of the effects of health, wellness, nutrition, sleep, sugar in a child.  It is heart breaking.

Every first day she is here is a practice in patience and calm.  Adjusting to child that is up and down.  Depressed.  Sad.  Crashing.  Asking for sugar and sweet throughout the day.  Finding ways to sneakily ask me for those little hits, knowing my options will be carrots, hummus, frozen fruit, soup, crackers.  Anything to get food to her that is not dipped, laced, coated, baked, frozen, or free basing sugar straight from the spoon.

This is frustrating and it makes no sense.  Making these choices for a child.  Before this gets accused of shaming. Her mom is upper middle class, or higher.  I am financially below the poverty line.  Talking about these choices are not shaming, they are a choices purposefully being made eveyday.  Her nutritional habits should be growing and progressing.  Instead, she has regressed significantly from where she was just a year and half ago.

There are multiple articles online about sugar and the affects on the brain.  Here’s one that is scientifically based The Negative Impact of Sugar on the Brain (verywellmind.com).  It is easy to find “influencers” that are talking about this.  Those are read to.  I see my daugther uncontrolled.  Then depressed.  Then begging for sugar.  Then crashing.  Then just wanting anything to eat.  Then just trying to get something, anything sweet.  We get through the first day any way we can.

She will wake up soon.  Her mood will be better.  Her attitude will be better.  She will want to read and play.  She will slowly regain her equilibrium and become the person I know her to be. 

Every morning I pick her up, I write in my two-minute journal:  Be patient.  It is not her fault.  Be calm.  She not in control of her actions or mood.  Focus on getting to tomorrow.  It will be better.  I must write that, or risk forgetting and react to a child not in control of her emotions or actions. 

It helps.  It does not make it any less hard to watch.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

The newest book is, Work: A Deep History, From the Stone Age to the Age of Robots by James Suzman, current page 52.  This book started out differently than expected.  Chapter 1 is called “In the Beginning”. 

James mixes the story of the last known hunter-gatherer tribe the Ju/”hoansi with the Big Bang.  The beginning of everything with the end of something.  James talks about how cells and energy work to create.  He lays the foundation for the next 360 pages and his concepts of work.

James questions what we refer to as “living”.  The connections we weave through stoicism, thinking, rethinking, art, taking walks, more.  Of course, these connections are based on current influences.

The Ju/”hoansi question why people working in buildings with air conditioning, drinking coffee, make exponentially more than people working in the hot sun digging ditches.  They question why people digging ditches go back to digging ditches instead of “enjoying the fruits of their labor.”

Originally it was reported that these “bush-people” living as hunter-gathers were thought to live shorter, worse/harder lives.  They their existence was a struggle from birth to death.  It is the story of the white man (yes the white man) rewriting truth and history to justify greed and the unnecessary work of others.

In truth the Ju/”hoansi lived longer, healthier, happier lives.  They worked an average of 15 hours a week and spent the rest in leisure.  As a side note, it was not until the white man showed up and started chasing them off their land, raising cattle and destroying the environment that things started to get bad for the Ju/”hoansi.

How this relates to raising my daughter.  The issue with screens and my distaste for them.  Never once have a I seen a child staring at a screen, in a shopping cart, in the car, at the beach, in a bookstore, at the mall, at the pool, at home, at school, walking down the street, I can go on, and thought, “oh good.”  Yet, I smile every time I see a child with a book in hand (a real book, for the record).

We work to what?  Buy things? Have things?  To get our children an Xbox and iPad?  According to the receipts from the library my daugther and I saved nearly $5,000 checking out books for free in 2020. No videos or movies.  Nothing passive.  All active.  All using her mind and imagination.  All engaging, firing the synapsis in her brain.  Connecting neurons.  Building pathways from to right and left hemispheres of her brain.  Something screens fail to do.

I am dragging Work through a personal filter.  Creating a connection made through 52 pages of 412.  The takeaway so far, is the Ju/”hoansi work for their needs, not for wants. 15 hours is all that is needed to provide and allow for leisure.  Leisure is not watching TV and sitting around creating health issues, and diseases in their bodies.  It is playing, talking, interacting, observing, living.

James shares a story of two Ju/”hoansi men. They both stare at a tree and make observations about the nest building habits of a bird.  Each has their own theory of the bird’s habits.  Both theories are based on each of the Ju/”hoansi men’s background, life, and influences.  Both are equal to years of modern-day scientists using cameras, technology, and years of education and study.

It is not their work.  It is their leisure. If you worked 15 hours a week, what could you provide your child? A smaller house.  Simpler food. Free books from the library.  Walks in nature.  More of your time and attention.  They will move out of the house.  Eventually, you will to.  The shows will be lost to time.  If they look up from the screen, they might see you staring at yours, if you are there.  So, they look back down.

I do not know what is right.  We are all trying.  Doing our best.  I do not know much.  What I do know is that my father is not going to leave me lots of (any) money when he dies.  Every house he has ever lived in is gone one way or another.  Every Christmas and birthday gift gone.  Thrown out, sold, donated, disappeared.

What cannot be taken away are the times he played “dragon” with me as a child.  Standing on his shoulders at Crystal Lake diving into the water. Camping at Snow’s Lake and melting gummies over a campfire.  Him picking up every time I called during the divorce.  Listening to me, no matter what state I was in.  Letting me vent, cry, scream, break and… he didn’t pick me up, but he didn’t let me fall.

I have investigated research on screens.  Both for and against.  The only memory I have of TV with my dad is the one time we watched an “R” rated movie on HBO and he kept making my stepbrothers and me look away at the naked parts.  It was a Charles Bronson movie. 

I say all that, to say this: what memories were not made or lost to sitting in front of the TV?  How many conversations went unsaid, sitting in silence at something someone else created? How many more memories could be with me today, had we only spent more time making them?  Who would I be, had I not wasted hours a day hunched over, staring at a screen? 

What are the chances my daughter will say as an adult, “Dad, why didn’t you let me sit in front of a screen more? Instead of reading with me, playing with me, painting, creating, making, exploring, talking, being with me?” It might make today easier, but it does not do anything for her future.

Maybe, just maybe, my view of screens is wrong.  How my daugther and I spend our time together is not.  I think the Ju/”hoansi would agree.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father navigating a non-vegan world.

James Suzman -Affluence without Abundance (fromthebush.com)

There are no “screens” with my daughter. We play outside.  Read.  Wrestle.  Play dolls.  Paint.  Make comics. Play Legos, etc.

The only bump in this are the times when reading inspires blog thoughts.  Just as this one did while waiting for my coffee to steep.

With my daughter the goal is to not pull out “screens”, unless for work.  No screens are no screens.  And she calls it out if screens are being mindless looked at.

Every morning is writing in the Two Minute Journal.  Two minutes to think, reflect, set the day up for success.  My daughter should see this. See me writing and know the reasons behind this practice.  Yet, it is my time to start the day.

The problem: How to record thoughts for this blog.  How to have my daugther see me writing.  How to be okay with “me time” writing in the Two Minute Journal (which would be a great share with my daughter).

While meditating, the answer came.  Write the blog thoughts in a journal. Let my daugther see this. After bedtime, record the paper thought to the computer.

Seems easy and simple. Pen and paper.  Yet, the solution was blocked by the obstacle (no screens). Is focusing on an obstacle blocking you from a solution?

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

Two Minute Mornings – The Institute for Global Happiness

To know if something is working it needs to be tested.  Reading. Writing. Podcasting.  Meditating. Building new habits.  All theory.  Things to pass time to make me feel better.  To give this life meaning, focus, and purpose.

Then, one day you pick up your daugther and she starts telling you things that push your limits of… patience.  How to respond?  What should be said, or not said?

All you can do is what is best for her when she is with you.  To let your frustration show would only weaken the connection you have been creating for years.

Pause.  Do not say anything.  You are not ready.  The space gives her time to talk more.  She fills the space.  Listen.  Do not talk.

Time.  Give yourself time. 

I am writing this, frustrated at what was told to me.  Bordering on angry at ignorance.  Yet, also smiling.  Writing these words.  Processing.

Keep reading.  Keep writing.  Keep meditating.  Keep building better habits.  A mind in motion tends to stay in motion.  Create the story of you. Better can become the norm of how you react to life. Especially, when presented with a challenge.

No knee jerk reaction. No fear controlling emotions, or response.  Sculpting a better father, one moment at a time.

Without details at this time, my efforts paid off yesterday.  Talking openly and honestly with my daughter.  Treating her as a person, acknowledging what she was telling me, seeing through her words vs the words put in her mouth.  Finding that moment when she reverted to herself.  I did not give her anything to push against.  So, she did not push.

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father navigating a non-vegan world.

Current working theories: a body in motion tends to stay in motion; a mind in motion tends to stay in motion; we write our stories.

The first two are obviously “borrowed” from Sir Isaac Newton’s Law of Inertia. First conceived in 1687. It is put in high school and college textbooks.  Though, not given the proper time, focus or respect.  It is not put into practical practice. Real-world application lost to memorization for a test.

It is daily motion. Keeping the body moving.  Keeping the mind thinking.  It abhors stagnation. There is no earth-shattering moment of completion, understanding, or blissful cognitive enlightenment. 

There is a hiccup from learning about the Stoics.  “About living the good life.  How we are dying the moment we are born.  That it all could end today.”  So, why be good?  What is the point of struggling until the end?  Pushing against a system that seems hell bent on destroying itself.  “Live fast, die young, have a beautiful corpse,” James Dean.

If you are being honest, doesn’t our time on earth seem pointless?  I do not believe in any type of god thing.  There is no fooling me into trying to make this all have purpose beyond the randomness that created it.  (Not where this is going, just mentioning.)

The mind and body in motion.  Too far past the point of live fast, die young.  Live mediocre, die middle aged.  Does not have the umph.

For better or worse we have evolved too this moment.  Some spend time analyzing where we are, how we got here, what is our point, what is the point? Others sit on the couch eating junk, consuming literally and figuratively, what others have created until death. Ultimately, are they both not the same?

Why keep going?  Why keep doing this?  Why keep the mind and body in motion?

We create our story daily whole cloth. Writing our lives moment by moment.  We are our own fictional characters.  We write ourselves as heroes, or victims.  We write ourselves as learning, or growing, or dying, or consuming, or building, or breaking. 

We forget that, or lose it, or never learn it.  We do not understand it.  Not on those terms.  A boss once told me all had hired were firefighters.  There were no “managers”.  What he meant was with “mangers” his place would run smoothly.  The restaurant would flow, and his mangers would manage.  Instead, they were running around making food, dealing with a customer issues, and helping staff (if you read that and thought “that’s managing” there are a few book recommendations for you).

We have become the firefighters of our lives.  The story we write is one of no control.  We wake up at “x” time to get to work by “y” time.  We exercise “x” times a week, to make up for a bad relationship with food, or trying to impress *blank*. We firefight for other people’s story.

We should not be firefighting our lives.  We author it.  If my house is burning, I can watch it burn, or put water on it.  We do not have to do “x” on someone else’s terms.  We are on autopilot going to work, dealing with a boss, and… and… and… pause.  Repeat.

The purpose of this blog is to change my story. My mind.  My body. In motion. Years ago, putting fingers to keys, was under duress.  A bad situation and I did not know how to get out.  When the writing restarted (nearly) daily, it was not from fear.  It was for story.  Taking the “yeah… but”, replacing it with better words.  The story was no longer why it could not or would not be.  It was.

No grand moment. Sitting and typing.  Then, more sitting and typing.  Same with reading.  And taking notes.  And, and, and…

The page was blank for too long.  Someone else was dictating my life.  No, that is not right, or fair.  I allowed myself to be a character in their story. I wrote myself as the hapless victim. You never know what the right choice is.  It seems good in the moment, or bad, you never really know.  All just moments. Moments making up moments. Until out of moments.

So, why do this?  Why be good?  Why read the Stoics to try and be better? Simple. It feels good. It feels good to write.  Fingers and mind moving forward. Evolution does not happen without a starting point. Your own personal big bang.

After putting my daugther to bed, it was time to write.  Tomorrow? Wake up before her to write.  This was not the norm a year ago.  My mental energy was exhausted.  There was no writing past fear and hurt.

Evolution. Progression.

This all leads to… writing about Adam Grant’s book based on a couple of notes. That did not seem fair to the book, me, or you.  So many thoughts came from the book that will not be discussed (though influencing me daily).

Going forward, instead of waiting to write about a new book, the books will be written about in this blog (nearly, hopefully) daily.  Just like The Daily Stoic “New Year New You” Challenge recorded at the beginning of the year for A Better Father podcast.

The story is changing, evolving. Mind and body in motion. You choose the story you write.

My focus question:  What do I want to tell my daughter I did with my time when she was not here?

Posted. Not Perfect.

A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.

This writing is inspired from a new book for an online book club.  Six weeks and counting.