(Ask them questions only to hear them talk and nothing more.)
Last night we were going through the normal bedtime routine: Brush Teeth. PJ’s. Play Harry Potter Dolls. Say “Lights Out”. Beg for just “five more minutes” of “doooollllssssss”. Five more minutes. Then mouth story, usually a Harry Potter made-up story. Some squirreling around. Lights out and sleep shortly after.
Last night was slightly different. Mouth story was maneuvered (somehow) to asking her questions.
It started with questions about what she liked about friends, or school, past teachers. Innocent this or that questions. The questions continued as she kept sharing. It was kept low key and focused. Every once in awhile throwing in a “bigger” life question. It was amazing. She kept sharing. One answer after another. The conversation grew and expanded.
Lying on the floor next to her bed as she drifted off, I wondered when the last time she was asked questions on her terms. Wondered when she was respected with questions she invited. No relatives throwing random unwanted questions one after another at her. Questions that seemed engaging, but failed to considered her and what she wanted in the moment. Questions from teachers, and friend’s parents and parent’s friends. People fishing for self-interest, not to actually know or understand her as a person.
Maybe, as the night drifted closer to sleep, I started to over think those precious minutes before bed.
Over thinking the moment? To harshly judging other’s engagement? Regardless, her engagement and willingness to share said nice things about the moment we were in.
Who can you ask honest questions to in your life? To whom can you provide this gift? This moment of asking, of letting them talk. No agenda. No expectations. When was the last time you stumbled into someone asking you to ask more?
A Better Father 