981 – Ask for their opinion
This is their life. Our kids have views and thoughts. Wants and desires. When planning a trip, vacation, outing ask for their opinion. See what they would like to do. Where they would like to go. What they think would be fun.
Then, if it goes sideways, do not blame them for it. Do not say “but this is what you said you wanted.” There is a difference between holding accountable and blaming and shaming. This is where being the “adult” comes in. This is where you take the high road.
Things didn’t go as planned? Things didn’t work out the way you thought they could or should? You spent money that now feels wasted? Good.
Learn from this. Talk about it in the future for the next outing. Use it as an example to help on the next trip. They are a child and they thought they wanted “x” and you provided it. You gave them autonomy and choice.
I can hear and feel the doubts and questions and “yeah, buts” that so easily could be made in argument to this. YET… how many times did you mess up? Make a bad choice? Choose the wrong thing? Wasted money on something stupid? You acknowledge, recover, and move on. And if you didn’t. If a significant other pointed out your mistake, your bad choice, the wasted money, how did that make you feel?
One – Don’t do that. Learn from it. Help them develop an opinion muscle. Help them be able to share and express their opinions. Judgement and shaming will hole those opinions up and pack that independence up tight. Create wiggle room in your mind for things to go poorly. And know the investment is in them, not money, the vacation, or whatever your goal was.
A Better Father 