A lot of words have been dedicated here and on the podcast about changing perspective. It was recently shared on A Better Father podcast the video of Jocko* and saying “good” no matter what happened. A mental adjustment. When you say “good” you are stopping one reaction and pushing your mind to accept another reaction.
With that said, it sucks how much of modern-day parenting is based on what we were told, sold, had pushed on us, communicated, learned through example and age ole stupid cliches.
The stress of getting two people feed, lunches packed, teeth brushed, hair done, clothes on, bags packed and out the door in the correct amount of time to be on time. How much of that perceived stress is based on anecdotally being taught and told it is difficult to get a kid ready?
Contrary to the lived reality, I treat my daughter and myself as if this were true. Such is the power of having a story repeated.
Even though this pressure to get ready was not our reality, my brain was treating it as if it were. Pushing time limits. Thinking the communication of countdowns was productive and necessary. Informing her of the time we “had to leave by”. Creating pressure where none previously existed.
As with many things having to do with parenting I attempt to learn, adjust, access, and find better ways to be a better parent. Last week, when my daughter was not at home, a change occurred. I was up at the normal time of 525 am. Floundering through the start of the day. Struggling to get from point “A” to point “B” (up and awake and ready and out the door).
It was this moment the revelation occurred of the structure she adds to MY morning. With her home there is purpose for doing. There is need to accomplish. I do better when she is there. She does not create a barrier to waking, getting ready and out the door. She provides structure from waking, getting ready, and getting out the door.
Mind… shifted.
No longer will there be pressure forced in our home to adhere to the cliché that getting a kid ready and out the door is hard. No longer will there be a countdown. No longer will there be the threats of the impending doom(s) that shall befall us if we fail to execute by time “x”.
In retrospect, I was teaching my daughter this is stressful. That we are doing something wrong. That waking and getting to school is hard. Maybe even somehow hindered by her. That her actions create a barrier to success in being “on time”. The negative implications are numerous for 1.5 to 2 hours every morning she is home.
How exactly will this be handled? First, communicate this with her. Tell her this story. Share this insight. Let her know her being home is beneficial. That she contributes to focus and success of being productive and getting out of the house in a timely manner. I will ask what she thinks would work best to communicate to her when we should leave. Then, let her know we’ll adjust, and flex as needed.
This is a moment with benefits in other areas of life. Identifying times and moments to do better. To be more successful and purposeful when my daughter is not home. Not having floundering moments without her. Being more structured with time when she is not home.
A Vegan Father… learning, adjusting, identifying moments to be a better parent.
Posted. Not Perfect.
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