“What is a white lie?” There was no way to know if or when my daughter would ask that question. Or any similar question. Pause. Breath. Buy time. “That is a remarkably interesting question, sweetie. I am glad you asked it. What does ‘lie’ mean to you?” Maybe, not perfect, but it provided breathing room. Next step?
That question caught me off guard. Kids will do that. You cannot be ready for every question. You can be prepared. We train for jobs, to drive a car, to fly a plane, to be a barista. Parenting? We treat differently. You had one. You got this. Wrong.
We started a conversation. The direction of the conversation was not asking what inspired the question. Instead, we focused on the substance of the question. An open-ended conversation. Discussing what it means to lie. Talking about how some people make excuses for different types of lies. We talked about when someone would lie. Why someone may choose to lie. Variations of lies, lying, liars, and white lies.
No judgement. Just conversation.
As the conversation went on parental fears washed away. The question treated as if she had asked “Why is the sky blue?” The fear of potentially making my daughter feel badly or guilty for asking this type of question, let go.
It ended as it started. Open. It ended letting her know she could revisit the topic any time. Any question. Any time.
In parenting there is no right. There is wrong. Right is subjective. Less black and white. Less easily identified, taught, or shown. It is not instinct (though some of that sometimes helps). It is not found in Chapter 2 of a book (though, that can also help). It is okay to admit “I don’t know” and share what thoughts you do have. It will humanize you to your child. It will create a more realistic view of the world they live in.
The next night at bedtime she said, “I want to talk like we did last night.”
A Vegan Father…learning when and how to talk.
Posted. Not Perfect.
A Better Father 