“It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
“Courage, intellect, all the masterful qualities, serve but to make a man more evil if they are merely used for that man’s own advancement, with brutal indifference to the rights of others. It speaks ill for the community if the community worships these qualities and treats their possessors as heroes regardless of whether the qualities are used rightly or wrongly.” – Teddy Roosevelt’s
There is a disconnect with what we say we believe. What we say we value. What we are told is important. When you read Teddy Roosevelt’s speech above, if you are like me, there is a rush of adrenaline. A desire to be the person in the arena. Bloody, covered in dirt. Broken and battered. Not beaten.
That is what we are told to admire. Yet, courage is subjective. Intellect is made fun of. Disregarded. Evil is not black and white, or easily identifiable. We are told it is okay to reach our hand out. Not knowing it is from a person willing to cut it off to serve their own purpose. Never knowing why.
It is easy to read Teddy’s words and feel defeated, not inspired. Is there honor in being the person standing “…marred with sweat and dust and blood…”? We are taught a “worthy cause” is to give to your company not your family. We are taught to be a good parent we need to spend our time to have more money to get more things. Instead of investing time in our family, having less money.
A good parent provides material possession, screen time, and money. The balance of childcare, personal time, raising a child, having a career, being a good parent. On the list goes. What society looks at is not the quality of parenting, but the quantity of the bank account. Tell someone you make less money to parent more; you will get looks and questions about your child’s future. What are you providing for them? Tell someone you are working 60 hours a week, making 100,000 a year, giving up time with your child, but paying others to raise them in a big home, you will get accolades for “winning at life”.
Reading and rereading Teddy’s quote, it feels as if we interpret his quote today differently than what he meant. These thoughts on Teddy’s quote are not meant to be defeatist, or sarcastic. I want to be the blooded marred person in the arena. It would be great for my daughter to read that and feel inspired.
Maybe, that is the answer. Maybe Teddy’s words do not ring true today the way they did then. Maybe, it is up to us to change what it means to be “…marred with sweat and dust and blood…”. Playing with my daughter outside. Spending money on paints, paper, crayons. Having to buy clearance, instead of new. Having to stay home, instead of traveling to Disney World.
We are fighting personal battles. In the end, maybe that is what Teddy meant. Maybe, it is not about rejecting the hand reaching down, but being the hand doing the reaching. Or, excepting the hand when we need it. “…marred with sweat and dust and blood…”. More hypothetical than reality. Inspired words to persist. To try. To define what working hard is to you.
Who we read. Who we listen to. Whose information we let into our minds and lives. Influence matters. Examples matter. If you never see a father being successful at being a father. Then you have no barometer for what a good father looks likes. If you were told what a good father looks like and that was a bad example, then you are confused when you see a good father. Confusion breeds insecurity, anger, adverse reactions. And that all depends on what you consider to be good or successful.
It would be easy to say there are no easy answers. That we struggle and work and fight to figure out this life. We can argue and debate what is good or what success looks like. That is an excuse. An out. A way to not have to work at this life. Good excuses can be clever. They are never success.
These past eight years were “…marred with sweat and dust and blood…”. I am still cleaning up. Yet, it did not break me. That is the lesson to my daughter. Get back in the arena. Let them release their worst. Like River in Serenity*, holding the axe tighter, at the ready. Like Rocky fighting Apollo, “Ding. Ding”.
A Vegan Father…”who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” That is my example to my daugther.
Post. Not Perfect.
* Serenity (9/10) Movie CLIP – It’s Finished (2006) HD – YouTube : at 2:22. That one moment is the clip in my head, standing in the arena.
A Better Father 