Parenting books liter books stores with opinions on everything from proven methods to get your child to sleep through the night to how to raise an emotionally resilient child. Theories and philosophies. As if all children can be summed up in 200 pages (hopefully) or less.
Is this a bad thing? Ask that question to me from 8 years ago until yesterday. They are still regularly consumed books. For a reason. Though, every parenting book should have a disclaimer on the inside cover saying, “This worked for me. This is a share in case it helps you in any way, any way at all”. Because no one has a clue how to raise children. Ask any parent with more than one kid. The second, for some reason, is always different from the first. Why? People cannot seem to believe what worked on the first is not working on the second child. As if it could or should. Being they are a completely different person.
After having read a few of these books, a common through line of each is trying to be a parenting book. That is not to take away from the information, tips and tricks provided. They all had something that provided, at minimum, peace-of-mind. It seems when one starts writing to a purpose that purpose get the singular focus. Everything else gets knocked out of the way for that focus. That does not seem like such a bad thing. Unit the filler gets put in to make a book a book. The need to have a book on the shelf and be called a “parenting book”. Most parenting books should be pamphlets, or cleverly marketed hardcovers with cute pictures.
This leads to sharing three of the best parenting books read in the past 8 years. It also serves as an argument to read outside a singular focus. To expand your reading library and search beyond the “Parenting Section” of the bookstore.
Rupi Kaur is the author of three poetry books. Each one as good as the previous. Each well worth your time to read. They spark an extra layer of insight as a father that was never female. There is so many unknowns as a male raising a daughter. Experiences. Fears. Inner struggles. So many things to connect to on a human level, but not knowing the depths or perspective as a female existing in the world.
Rupi Kaur provides insight in words and pictures put together so well, six of her words strung together can make you cry. Her poems talk about her parents, her childhood, getting breasts, having her period, the way men look at her and treat her. Relationships, sex, drinking, apologies, being scared, being angry, powerful, small and more.
The purpose of her books is not to be parenting books. They are cataloged under “Poetry”. Yet, reading those books taught more about raising a child, especially from a female point of view, than the other parenting books combined. That is not being hyperbolic.
Just a couple of examples from her book Milk & Honey:
Page 29 – “trying to convince myself; i am allowed; to take up space; is like writing with; my left hand; when i was born; to use my right – the idea of shrinking is hereditary“
Page 19 – every time you; tell your daughter; you yell at her; out of love; you teach her to confuse; anger with kindness; which seems like a good idea; till she grows up to; trust men who hurt her; cause they look so much; like you – to fathers with daughters
Page 53 – nothing is safer; than the sound of you; reading out loud to me – the perfect date
I do not want to have you; to fill the empty part of me; I want to be full on my own; I want to be so complete; I could light a whole city; and then; I want to have you; cause the two of; us combined; could set it; on fire
Page 95 – I didn’t leave because I stopped; loving you I left cause the; longer I stayed the less; I love myself
There is a quote attributed to various people but found online to be first said by Allen Saunders: Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans*.
That is what I’m expressing about parenting books. Parenting knowledge and insights happen while you are reading other things. Which is why it is important to expand what is read. Biographies do not just tell about a person, they tell how they became that person. You can read of the paths that lead there. The twists and turns. The ups and down.
That is what Rupi does particularly well. It is her autobiography written in poetry.
A Vegan Father… reading stories to better help his daugther live hers.
Posted. Not Perfect.
Life is What Happens To You While You’re Busy Making Other Plans – Quote Investigator
A Better Father 