It can be hard to know if your parenting is sinking in. If what you are teaching matters. Lost words to a distracted mind? Why say it again if the words go nowhere? Why repeat yourself over and over? You only get frustrated. Agitated. It puts more on you. You are raising them. You give them a roof over their head. Food. Books. On and on. Why the extra work only to be ignored?
Why do it over and over and over again? Because they are hearing you. No matter how much it may seem they are not. Over and over and over again. No matter their reaction, they are paying attention. That is why is it important to continue to not lose patience. Restating your words, saying them again and again and again.
You will never know the time when your words embedded themselves.
My daugther was picked up from school on Friday. As we were driving home, she said, “I want to go to the library when you get off work today.”
“Okay, we can go when I get off work if you want. I only say that incase you are playing with your friends and change your mind about going. Then, we will go another day.” A normal buffer added into nearly every conversation. Words to come back to if plans goes astray.
Pause.
Her: “I like when you do that.”
Me: “Do what?”
Her: “Give me the choice like that. You understand that I may want to keep playing with my friends later, when I said earlier, I wanted to go to the library. I like that.”
I ramble and stumble through a thank you. Over explaining. Over taxing her comment.
A book read a while ago that said to build confidence by giving your child choices. Two simple options. Options that end in a desired outcome. Do you want to wear your blue pants or pink pants? Either way, he or she will be in pants. They are given a choice. Then choose. Even if it is, on the surface, only an illusion of choice (I will not rabbit hole on this, it just serves as an example here).
It does matter. Nearly seven years of giving choices. Giving a way out. Providing autonomy over her life. Our children are too young and fragile to take it. We must guide them to building that muscle. Over. And over. And over again. And it is hard. It is so much easier to say, “Just get in the car.” “If you didn’t fight “x” we would be there by now”. On and on.
Them having their shortcomings told to them. Having to navigate adults. The world. Without the strength to fight back, talk back, express themselves. We are the ones who provide it to them. We are the ones who need to stay vigilant in teaching them.
Because one day, unexpectedly, we will be dealing with life. Having our shortcomings told to us. Navigating adults. The world. Wondering how we are doing as parents. They will give us the gift of letting us know, “I like when you do that.”
Be good. Be kind. Be patient. Be what your child, every child, needs as an example.
A Vegan Father… repeating himself. Over. And over. And over again. Watching for the moments when she says, “I got it”.
Post. Not Perfect.
A Better Father 