An early memory was someone saying, “Oh, you’re done deaf like me”. An off handed observation, said in jest, that ripped through and took away. If you think words do not carry weight, even words said with no ill intent, you would be wrong. It is a wise lesson to learn.
Those words, while hurtful, are not wrong. They just never had a replacement. There was never a follow-up. So, that part was left empty.
Those words led to opportunities being passed up. Became excuses to not try. A lifetime of questions and judgements from others. Why? Because an introverted kid was told he was not good at something from someone that mattered. From then on, he did his best to blend in and not stick out. For worry more words would take more pieces away.
Why try when something just is not there?
Until…
At an early age, like most parents, I would sing to my daughter to put her to sleep or calm her down (queue the jokes, I have heard them). It worked. There was even one song that could bring her down from a total baby meltdown. When she got older and used “sing to me daddy” as a bedtime stall tactic. There were two Tom Petty songs she would hear to help her fall asleep.
She still asks me to her sing to her at bedtime. That is when a change occurs. At night. Lights out. Sitting beside the bed. My hand on her arm or holding her hand. It is then I sing like Tom Petty. Two of his songs that she has been falling asleep to for years. I am singing “The Apartment Song” and “All Right For Now”. In that moment we could stand on stage and harmonize note for note.
I do not understand the how or why of this is. It does not happen outside of these moments (that anyone has said. And trust me, they would say). It is reminiscent of the stories of a mom picking a car up off her kid (only, you know, not that). In these moments, a little boy gets pieces of himself back, taken long ago. He gets them back and gives them to his daugther.
You would think something precious, once taken, would be coveted, not freely given. You would be wrong.
A Vegan Father… singing in tune at night.
Posted. Not Perfect.
A Better Father 