Being a parent is hard. Not in the cliched way (I am not a fan of parenting clichés). It is hard because you must work to be better. That is not a common view, as a parent or non-parent. We tend to make our children adjust to us. Take a square peg and file them down until the fit into whatever other spot we want them to fit in. To be a better father, I needed to eat better, be more active, understand why we do what we do, why we think what we think, why we eat what we eat.
In short, no longer was I able to just do whatever felt good or right because. There was a need to understand “why” on a deeper level. To be able to express and talk with my daugther about “why”. To better answer her questions and not bully her with “because I said so”.
My life, until 8 years ago, was based on random learns and motivations. A gut feeling of right or not right. A life based on what felt good, without, hopefully, doing harm to others. Eat well, read, watch less TV, run. Why? They felt good and were supposed to be good for you. Life just was. Then my daugther came to be. It was no longer good enough to do without the understanding of “why”.
A few weeks ago, I told my daughter if ever a conflict arose with what she was told between her two houses, it was okay for her to ask about those differences. That there was logic and purpose to the choices made in our home. There was nothing that could not be backed up or explained without proof and reason.
This reinforces what she is learning here. To not be afraid to ask questions about what she is being taught and told. Questions to the point, where if she makes a good argument, then we can change a choice that is being made. The goal is to teacher her that this is our home. That she has ownership over thing that happen within these walls.
With that said, it would not be above me to get upset about what she is experiencing at her mom’s house. That does not help my daugther or me. Instead, the choice is made to find a path to conversations, give reasons, and logically working through those differences. Building a foundation for understanding the “why’s” in life.
She is learning to ask questions. To challenge information, views, thoughts, and reasons, of the information she is being taught / told.
This is something we could all be doing better. We work within a framework. We exist inside the boxes that we were taught and told to live inside. There is comfort with those boxes and that structure. Yet, that does not put a dent in the universe. None of us will make it out of here alive. We can drift off gracefully into the night; or we can drive the car full throttle until we go back in time, or crash in a giant blaze (figuratively, if not literally).
Ask questions. Challenge what you were taught. Push past acceptance. It may not make you popular or rich (or maybe it will, who firkin’* knows?). You will be curious.
When I am no longer of this earth, I hope my daugther describes me as a father who showed her it was okay to ask questions and taught her to be curious.
A Vegan Father… curious question asker.
*I had “frickin’” there, but spell check wanted to make it “firkin”. Defined as: a small wooden vessel or cask; a unit of volume or mass used in several situations. Its etymology is likely to be from the Middle English ferdekyn, probably from the Middle Dutch diminutive of vierde ‘fourth’. Firkin also describes a small wooden vessel or tub for butter, lard, etc
That is such a better word, even though it does not fit correctly. We are making it ours.
A Better Father 