On 4/21/2021 a blog titled, “No Future Just The Present… Or Be Here Now” was published. On 4/22/2021 Seth Godin published on his blog:
Ending it Gracefully:
Just about every business, every initiative and every intervention fails sooner or later. Since that’s demonstrably true, it’s worth considering how you intend to fail when the time comes. You can pull out every stop, fight every step of the way, mortgage your house and your reputation–and still fail. Or, perhaps, you can quit in a huff at the first feeling of frustration. The best path is clearly somewhere between the two. And yet, too often, we leave this choice unexamined. Deciding how and when to quit before you begin is far easier and more effective than making ad hoc decisions under pressure. (Ending it gracefully | Seth’s Blog (seths.blog))
The morning was spent processing if this was in conflict or harmony with my post. Seth’s is about planning and be prepared for a possible future. Not being caught off guard by the present.
After writing the post on 4/21 I remembered a story of a mother overseas that was trapped in an abusive relationship with her husband. She would hide a little money here, a little there for years. Then, when the timing felt right, took her daugther and fled (I will try and find the story*). It would appear she was not in the present. Saving and scrapping by for a possible future.
She did not pretend there was no future. She just double downed on her present. Focusing on what she could do in her present. Even though she could not know what tomorrow would bring. What she could influence was her. She did that by doing her best not to upset her situation. She had no idea if she would be discovered. She did not know the daily actions, or reactions of an abusive husband. She theorized a future with no date. She focused on what she could in the present. With no true concept it would one day lead to a different future. Just a hope that maybe it would.
Would I change anything from the past 9 nine years? Based on what was written two days ago and after processing Seth’s blog… no. First, not possible. So, let that question go. It serves nothing and will only make things worse if you get caught in that spiral. Second, there is no telling what the future will bring. Be focused on the present.
The future is barely formed and created by today. So much of tomorrow is out of our control. Being ignorant of the future is not what was being written about. It is about Ignoring the present, being too concerned about a future and the past.
In the present the choice is made to read books on health, politics, the brain. With the goal it will make me a better person and a better father tomorrow. The present informs the future, it does not predicate it.
Could things have been different for the past 9 years for a better present? Potentially. The thing is to learn from the past, not wish to change it. Where were the blind spots, moments to ask for help, to reach out instead of “go it alone”? That is the pasts purpose. Reflect and question in the present, to better understand what and why.
Learn from the past. Live in the present. Understand there is a future.
Two years from now? There is no predicating what life will be like. If it is good? Do we take credit for that? Praise our choices leading to that good? If it is bad? Blame the past? Fear the future? When we live outside the present, it is easy to blame and be angry if things do not go well. It allows for the creation of distance and not accepting.
The present is all we have. There is no controlling yesterday or tomorrow. There is just now. Take a walk or do not. Call a friend or do not. That is now. Focus on the now. Fear of the future can break us. Regrets from the past can break us. In the present we are.
Seth’s blog post is understanding that the future is unknown. After writing this and thinking it through, it is not in contrast to my post. It is in compliment to it. He is saying (better and more succinctly) that the future is unknown. We need to plan and prepare now for what may come. We do this by being present.
Of course, my daughter will go to school. Of course, she will need to get her homework done. Of course, she will have the option (hopefully) to go to college if she chooses. Yet how that is handled today will shape how she views those options in her tomorrow.
Posted. Not Perfect.
A Vegan Father… living in the present, aware there is tomorrow.
*I tried to find this specific story through Google. It is a horrible rabbit hole of similar stories awfully familiar to the one written about here. Unfortunately, this story represents far too many.
A Better Father 