At bedtime, last night my daughter asks, “Tell me a story from when you were a kid.” This has become a standard part of our bedtime routine. It is nice she wants to hear those stories. It brings memories to the forefront and gives her a glimpse into her father’s past.
After years of these stories, they are starting to repeat or get obscure. She is sweet enough to say, “It’s okay if you tell one I’ve heard before”. Last night, somehow, a story about the courting of my high school girlfriend (to be fair it is a great story) was told. She followed the story with, “Then you met my mom and married her?”
That was a heartbreaking question.
The story of how she came to be. Her mom’s and I relationship did not start in the best way and got less honorable. She was conceived in lies and manipulation. Neither one of her parents are displayed in the best light.
That her story is one not out of love is a constant ringing in the background. When she is older what story will she hear? Ultimately, no matter how someone else acted and behaved, the important thing is she is and has been loved since day one. Her origin story is not the focus. It was what happened after that matters.
That future weighs heavy on my heart. It has for years. My daughter’s truth, a looming storm. Yet, there is still time to process and learn a better way to tell the story.
Ultimately, honesty won and she was told those stories will be heard when she is older. She wanted to know why being older mattered. It is just a more adult story that will be shared later. It took a little convincing, but she decided 8 would be old enough. Probably not.
That her story cannot be told to her now is sad. There are many things in parenting that are hard. This story has been lying in wait. It is starting to come out of the shadows.
No matter how things are going with parenting. No matter how you may think you have a handle on it. Those moments you are not ready for, wanting, or anticipating are coming. Everything you do to prepare now will only help when provided these obstacles.
That is no different than the everyday life of anyone. What are you preparing for? In life. In work. In relationships. In health. In parenting. Your reaction will dictate what happens next. You must prepare yourself for your best possible reaction.
My daughter’s question last night had been thought about and processed in the past. I was not totally unprepared, just not ready for it yet. What happens next? I have no idea. But, I am preparing.
Posted. Not Perfect.
A Vegan Father… and storyteller.
A Better Father 