I used to wonder why I turned out the way I did. What motivate this thought, or action? What was the purpose of this or that choice? Why react one way to one thing and another way to something else? Too long living in the “if”, “but” and “why”. The past. Curiosity has been lost. The focus and reasons changed.
One of the fundamental changes of my life was having a daughter. “Of course,” you say. “Having a kid should change your life.” And to some that is true. So many changes. Both in good ways, and in other… different ways. Pretending the negatives do not exist is ignorant and a disservice to my daugther. And a lie. To me and to her.
Yet, what is not said, or acknowledge as much, are the changes the child can have on you. They will say: You will not sleep. They will take all your time. You will have to start saving differently. No more nights out. On and on. All the negatives of how they will adjust your life.
They will counter that with: You will have so much love for them. They will become your world. You will have this little child to raise and depend on you. A life you are now in charge of protecting. On and on.
Early on there was a book read that said kids eats what you eat. So, I started eating better. Your child mirrors what you do. So, be more patient and calmer. You child learns from watching you. Run more. Exercise more. Model healthy behavior. Your child will do what they see you doing. Read more. Read to them. Take them to libraries. What do they have to play with? Art supplies. Physical toys that create movement. Things she controls and builds with. Screens are not good for them. Then lessen screens.
I have done what I can to be a better father. More reading. Observing. Meditate to stay calmer. Learn to wait. Better time management. Pause. Be the mirror she looks into and can sees a possible future. A future of books, healthy eating, exercise, better choices. Seeing herself as strong. Fun. Intelligent. Secure. Empathetic. Responsible. Learning. Growing. Changing. Evolving.
Then you must be those things. My insecurities had to be worked on. I needed to eat better. Run more. Read more. Write more. Paint more. Create more.
My daughter is raising her father to be better. Just as her father is raising her to be better. She changed many things in my life. Some for the better, some that would be done differently with present knowledge. Yet, is it undeniable, her birth was the catalyst for me to evolve. To get out of coasting through life. To not say “if”, “but”, and “why”. Instead to look at those past behaviors and say, “Okay. Now what?”
She took a person living in the past and guided him the present. There were only two choices. Be better or not. That was it. I looked at her and said, I will try to be better. More work went into keeping my head above water the first 38 years of my life, than the previous 7. Now, there is less treading water and more swimming in it.
It is why I am writing these very words.
Posted. Not Perfect.
A Vegan Father… being raised to be a better father, by a better daugther.
A Better Father 