This is a moment when a pause is required. This is not about a child’s poor diet, lack of sleep and too much TV (see what I did there). This is about a father being slightly heartbroken because of the things not just mentioned.
The story goes: It is not her fault. On the way to pick her up you remind yourself of this. It happens as expected. You knew this was coming. You knew how she would be acting. You knew it would not be her. You see it. It breaks your heart. Stay calm, for her. You are kind. Your voice is even. You repeat your words. It is not personal. Do not take it that way. She is tired, jacked up on sugar and whatever. She is leaving her friend and her cats. It takes about two minutes for her to start to regulate. Her talk is negative. It will pass. Do not feed it. She needs time. Give it. She says something unkind. It is not her or her feelings. Let it pass. She just needs home, sleep and tomorrow.
It was not long ago it was frustrating when she would not fall asleep. The frustration from the why*cough*her*cough*mom*cough*, to the things that would come when she fell asleep. Which were just shows and doing random nothing stuff online. Why be frustrated with something that is out of your hands 50% of the time? Choice. Bad choices, poor focuses.
Make a different choice. Modify behaviors to teach and be a better example. Stressing about wanting to watch shows? Get rid of the TV. Worried about email? Break the addiction. What else is past this moment? Nothing. Sitting next to the bed there is nothing to get to. Stay calm. Patient and positive energy.
She is asleep. It did not take too long. She fought it. Twitching. Rubbing red sunken eyes. It may seem like this is complaining or venting frustrations about someone… ok, maybe a sprinkle.
Yet, what this is about is what you can do with you. What I am about to write is horrible, but also true: This is making me a better person. A better father. Because it must. Being sad and miserable bingeing TV was not getting it done. Sitting down to write, passes time more quickly and productively. As said before, it takes between 1-3+ hours to write 2-5 minutes of reading. Worth every second. Reading becomes lost in pages, fighting to stay away to read just… one… more…. Nope.
To do lists. Blogging. Podcasting. Getting ready to start a YouTube Channel (late to the party anyone?). Yes, I am frustrated. Yes, seeing her like that breaks me in ways that may never fully heal. Yet, what can be done? Make the most of the time given. Both with and without her.
My life is getting simpler. Needing and wanting less. Sitting beside her, as she was falling asleep, thoughts drifted to the set-up of our living room without a TV. Some living rooms are constructed around the TV. Not to be dramatic, but it is literally set up to be worshiped. Like those movies (ironically, enough) where you see the Virgin Mary in some old lady’s house occupying the place of a TV today. Or a church where you have Christ hanging above a preacher, with everyone wrapped around watching the show. (That is a lot of weird catholic examples from an atheist).
It was fun visualizing the living room set up without factoring in the TV alter. The opposite of feng shui. Choice of freedom.
Does some of this stuff make me angry? Kind of. Really more from a place of fear. Fear of what is being taught to my daughter for her future, and her future health. That is not today’s topic. Though, it does play into what was written yesterday from Hannah Gadsby. That is, not having the right to spread anger or fear. My daughter knows about my choices and why. It is hard for a child to turn down or question what the other parent is saying or doing or giving to her.
Be better. That is the only productive option. She will ultimately make her own choices. The other day I asked her if it was confusing having to deal with the different houses, rules, and philosophies around food and health. She said yes. I told her if she ever gets confused about something she learns here, or it is counter to what she was told elsewhere to say so. We can look it up and use it as a teaching moment. That whatever was told to her here can and will be backed up with facts and science.
Today’s parting thought: Write, read, do not spread anger or fear, make a to-do list, run, take walks. From Ryan Holiday’s simplification of Stoicism: We can not control what is done to us (our child). We can control our reaction.
Posted. Not Perfect . A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.
A Better Father 