Why read and listen to podcasts? To better understand life. To learn the “why” behind the reason(s) we act / react the way we do. To learn how we process information. Reading allows space to breathe. To ponder and collate information.
A recent contemplation: Why we buy more, consume more, own more, get more, have more stuff.
More was how life was lived. All-consuming getting, buying, having, needing more. To consume less, we must understand the reason for consuming (wanting) more.
We are influenced by trends, brands, commercials, friends, advertising, wanting what we do not have, wanting what we think we deserve, keeping up with the Jones, because of: trends, brands, commercials, friends, advertising, keeping up with the Jones… more.
This is not about the internet and its various platforms targeting us. A system taking advantage of a weakened mind, or emotional state. That is a conversation for another day. Today, “its personal” (said like Arnold Schwarzenegger… because reasons).,
Stick with me. It comes together.
My mom liked to get mail. So much so, she would get upset if you checked it before her. Why? No idea. It stuck, though. Checking the mail to have it pay off? Something must be sent to arrive. A quick aside: expecting nothing from anyone the past two days; the front door has been opened at least 8 times looking to see if there was a package waiting (*button*, reward).
For me, it is not the stuff (I do not need any more anything right now). It is the getting of the stuff. The immediate dopamine hit seeing the package on the doorstep. Getting to the mailbox to see a package waiting. Potentially a sprinkle of mom thrown in because she liked getting mail. Hence, I like getting mail?
We are animals. Push button. Get reward. The feeling of a shiny new thing. Having stuff around us. It is status. A feel-good moment. A drug, in the literal and figurative sense.
Buying things gave a purpose. Something to do. Going out and finding something new. Try it. Return it. Send it back. Or keep it.
James Clear, in Atomic Habits, talked about habit swapping. That is what this blog is. Not being on Amazon to buy something. Not looking at email’s tempting sales and offers. Not getting on Kickstarter to back another cool thing (justifying it because it is not buying a thing, it is supporting a thing). Another dopamine hit. Kickstarter throws in the extra “supporting something” factor.
Why buy a thing? To get it in the mail. To have something to open. To get a moment of happiness from something external. To think “this-Bluetooth-device-will-finally-be-the-one-I’ve-been-always-wanting-and-will-finally-work-awesome”.
It is hard to look in the mirror and address an emotion, an attitude, a reason. It is hard not to want to fill a void with a click. To turn on the TV (or name a device) and wait for the world (time) to pass. Sleep. Repeat.
Recently, in a podcast, I said “I have never been happier”. Yet, I have less money than ever before; with a child to boot. On paper you would think I was walking the razor’s edge (do not get me wrong, the shittiest time(s) of my life have been in the past 10 years). Yet how is time currently being spent? Writing. Podcasting. Blogging. Reading. Painting. Taking walks. Setting good examples for my daugther. Choosing to be a better father (huh? huh? that joke does not get old*).
My daugther matters more than things. It would be unfair to make her the reason for my happiness. That is a pressure and responsibility no child should have to be bear for a parent or caregiver. Yet, she was a catalyst for some hard nights, deep thoughts, and changes. Not the reason I am happy. A reason to rethink what is happy and work towards better. To work towards what really matters. To show her a different (better?) path.
To be a better example. To be more engaged. Wanting to give her better moments, better experiences. To teach her life is not stuff, but connections and time. This may be a stretch, but this is where my mind went: Henry David Thoreau spent years in the woods connecting with nature and writing. We still read and think about his work today. Most of the people I admire, read about, and learn from did not grow up going to Disney. Traveling the world. Having lots of money (oddly enough they ended up with money, but that was from a childhood spent not having it, using their creativity, and being lucky with mentors, etc. Again, that is another post).
Much of what we need to be free is free. The library for one. A world outside begging to be played in. Explored. Active. Imaginative. Purposeful.
This started by talking about buying / needing things. I like things. Yet… have too many things, appreciate none. Have less things, appreciate more.
Two books from the library were read yesterday. Free to have new worlds, views, thoughts made possible. There are four books in waiting. Each one hoping to be picked next. Like me at a middle school dance (side note, I talked to the mom of the girl I liked more than the girl I liked. She did not pick me . Years later, we almost married. Again, a story for another time).
Back to James Clear and habit switching. There is still an urge to buy things. It is a work in process (progress?). Yet, more writing, more reading, more walking, more painting, translates to less time online, less influence from sales, ads, etc. The less desire to need something in the mailbox.
“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.” – George R.R. Martin in A Dance With Dragons (bookmark from Wonderflies)
Posted. Not Perfect.
A Vegan Father, navigating a non-vegan world.
*Family Guy – Titles of Movies Within Movies and Cops Nowadays – YouTube
A Better Father 