Disagreeable

Today’s the day Adam Grant’s “Think Again” goes back to the library.  Someone else is waiting to enjoy it.  Currently, resisting the urge to buy it, re-read it and highlight it.  Maybe, I will ask for it as a birthday gift.  Right now, it seems like an impulse purchase that make zero sense when I got to read and enjoy it for free. 

The next couple of posts will be a reflection on Adam’s book.

We do not learn easily, and relearning is harder.  That is why teaching our children at a young age is so important.  One of the most important ways is through example.  What we are teaching is just as important as how.  Teaching facts and figures, and random dates does not get the job done.  Yet, that seems to be all we are doing with their eager, malleable minds.

Why?  Because we (through no fault of our own) failed to learn and grow and understand.  Why?  We fell into the same programing trap our parents did. 

Adam uses the example of the team at Pixar who made the movie Incredibles.  An impossible feat, where the technology had not caught up to the vision.  Yet, taking the disagreeable people at Pixar, those hard to work with and always pushing back was exactly what was needed.  The disagreeable people, when put to the task did not except what was said to be “not possible”.  The disagreeable people, when under the right manager, broke the rules and created new programs and software to make possible what was deemed impossible.  The agreeable people agreed with the status quo and agreed with what was not possible.  “You are right boss, cannot be done boss.”

Most of us do not have the humility to keep the disagreeable around.  We do not take on the challenge to figure out how they can work with others.  They are the bad apples and bad apples need to go.  It is conventional wisdom.  So, we teach our kids to be the good apple.  To blend in.  Only allowed to stick out when sticking out for being exceptional in the traditional sense.  Many of us do not have the bravery to stand up for our kids.  To allow them to find their path, their way. Instead, we tell them to “fit the mold”, that disagreeable is wrong. Not that others are wrong for trying to make them fit a mold.

This was one section of Adam’s book.  A few pages out of nearly 300.  So much insight and wisdom about rethinking what it is we think we know. Or rethinking what we have been taught and told.

That is what we need to teach our children.  No one wants to go first. That is making it about us.  We want to shield and protect our children.  We want to make their lives easy and enjoyable.  We think helping them fit in is what will make their lives better.  We should be letting them learn who they are. That is what matters. Maybe it will lead to bumps in the road, being an outlier is not always easy.  That is life. It is hard.  It does not come easily.  That is not a bad lesson.  Especially, while we are around to support and encourage them. To help teach them coping skills.  As they become adults, I think they will thank us. 

Would you rather a parent force you on a path that is not yours?  Or allowed to find your path, with a parent encouraging along the way?  Feel free to substitute friend, partner, spouse, etc. for “parent”.  It is not too late to start rethinking for yourself.  Imagine the example that would set for your children.

Posted. Not perfect.

A Vegan father, navigating a non-vegan world.

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