Change your lens. Like a camera, you can add different filters to how you are viewing a situation, a problem, a joy, a “whatever.” When you change the lens or the filter you are seeing the issue differently. You are allowing yourself the opportunity to pause, to reconsider, to see things from a different angle or perspective. I say lens and filter, to stick the analogy, because you can put different lens on a camera and different filters. You can get a long lens, fish-eye lens, a red filter, a blue filter, etc. You can choose to say, “I can see this differently if I use lens “x”. Yet, if I use lens “y” I’ll see from a different perspective.”
Instead of “how is this hurting me”, see it has “how does this help me.” Instead of “this sucks”, how does it “not suck”? What does the situation allow you to learn, or understand? What’s the benefit of the information coming in?
How can you substitute the “… yeah… but…” for the “… maybe this benefits…”. It’s funny, but I almost wrote “… maybe this benefits me…”. That’s exactly what thinking that I’m trying to adjust. The focus on the “I, me, my”. The “…yeah… but” that’s trying to be cured is the same focus as the “how me”.
The focus on self creates a self-perpetuating cycle of “I, me, my”. It’s the ego looking only through the lens and filter of self. It feels like situation “x” hurts me, or doesn’t benefit me because of “x”. Yet, what if it’s not about me? If I change the lens, then I can learn from this, instead of wallowing in self ____ (pity, pain, hurt, focus, etc.). “Maybe this benefits…” allows you to change the lens and look at it differently. It expands the self and the ego to those around you, or nothing to do with you. Which, let’s be honest, like a nosey neighbor in an 80’s sitcom, most things only pertain to us if we let them / make them.
Keep in mind, the truth, the positive, the lesson, the learn, the whatever may not be known right away. There’s always the chance it was just one of the many pains and hurts in life. And sometimes there is no lesson. There is no learn. Sometimes it is just pain. When changing the lens or the filter does not lead anywhere other than pain; the learn / realization through reading and growth work being done that at 45 I’m still here. Sometimes kicking and screaming, sometime wallowing in self-pity, sometimes rolled in a ball, sometimes hurt and afraid. Yet, through all the bad and the good, through all the lens and filters that did not help… still standing… still here.
See if the lens or filter change helps. See if it does not allow a pause, or a moment to breath, think, reconsider. See if you are able learn something about your situation you had not considered before.
Not Perfect. Posted.
A Better Father 