A quick google search lead me to learn the quote “Get busy living or get busy dying” is attributed to The Shawshank Redemption. It’s a mantra in my head a lot of the time. It’s hard to say exactly when that started getting repeated, but it helps to remind me to stay focused and if feeling sad and depressed is becoming the norm, then do something about it. There’s a little girl that thinks the world of me and my choices are more limited now than even 10 years ago.
I need to be an example. Setting the stage for what she thinks is possible, what she believes can and can’t be done. If she sees someone she loves and believes in not doing their hardest to do better, or be better, than what example is that. There’s a rabbit hole of thoughts around seeing someone struggle, teacher her the realties, etc. And all those things are good and true. Those things are an innate part of life. Those are the easy things. Those things will be taught to her by the nature of the situation her mother and I have presented to her, and also by life itself.
What isn’t seen or practiced all the time is the fight and the struggle and the will to maintain. The desire to give up and give in and break, but saying, those are all options and maybe those feels easier at this moment. I’m just not going to do that today. I’m going to push through.
This post comes from my personal journaling, where I touch on these things to get my brain going and get out of the funk that was dictating my morning. Living with her mother and dealing with this is hard, but it’s going to be hard when we are not living together and dealing with this stuff.
There’s no good answer. There’s no right answer. There’s no anything happening here. It’s just a bad situation with three people that will have to figure it out as best they can.
A Better Father 