There are so many things that you never think about with a kid. I should rephrase that. There are so many things, i never thought about when having a kid. The amount of work that goes into a single day is staggering and it doesn’t get easier, it gets harder.
The concept of trying to do the right thing roles off my tongue all the time. Though, i often wonder what exactly that means. So, to me it means treating her like i would want to be treated. Thinking about how we force our children into a box we’ve created eludes me. You must do this. You must do that. You have to act this way. You must eat like this. How would you feel if someone was literally dragging you by the arm forcing you to do something you don’t like or want to do?
That’s what i think about when dealing with my daughter. There are times we need to make things happen, or force a certain situation. Yet, in those times we don’t, why do it? Why not make it about his or her choice. Why not let the moment of not having to do something, be there moment.
As an example, today i wanted to go to the YMCA. I told my daughter we were going to go. She said she didn’t want to. I said, well we are. Then, I thought about it. Do we really have to go? I want to go, but she doesn’t. What do i gain by forcing this situation? Do I really have to go in this moment? No. I can just play with her instead.
These moments won’t last forever. That’s a cliche, but it’s one for a reason. I can always work out. I can take a day off. Taking care of myself is important, but being there for my daughter and breathing with her for a minute is also important.
This is coming from a stay-at-home-dad that is, most days, literally with his daughter from 6am – 8pm, pretty much non-stop.
This is only one thing, in a list of things I never thought about with a kid. Chiefly among them, how much i would sacrifice to be a father. And how much I would willingly sacrifice to try and be a good father.
To tack on to this. I read how important it is to give your child choices. Wear this or that? Eat this or that? Do this or that. I have found that it is also important to know when to make something a question and a statement. I struggle with this and correct myself in front of her, but think this is very important.
As an example: When we are getting ready for school in the morning, i don’t ask, “Are you ready to brush your teeth?” This isn’t a question. I am not giving her a choice in this situation. Instead I say, “I need to go come into the bathroom, it’s time to brush your teeth.”
If i give her the option and she tells me “no”, yet i still need to accomplish this, i’m actually taking away her ability to make choices. I think this is one of those slight, but impactful and important distinctions.
A Better Father 